Gemynd - Pessimist or Realist?

Moving!

2008-09-26T20:19:00.002+08:00

You gain 2,387,283,495,928,238,784 experience points.

You have gained a level.

Proceed here.

SOW NAUGHT RAIDY.

2008-09-25T04:49:00.003+08:00

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

Suddenly in the last 24 hours, everything seems to come to 'the last'.

The last lunch, the last dinner, the last cybercafe session, the last drink, etc.

FRGHAch. <-- frustration let out in a very articulate manner.

Last random thoughts before I go?

I haven't been this nervous in a long while.

It's been pretty long since I've cried for a proper reason. Watching Finding Neverland probably doesn't count as a valid one.

I thought it through exactly a day ago at this time and played leaving through in my head for a little bit. I didn't see a reason to feel messed up. I honestly believed it. Now I'm just a trigger away from letting it all explode.

What the hell did we achieve from blowing 6 people up with 5 HE grenades in the final hour?

When I come back next year, I'd be coming home to pretty much the same people all over, except they've AGED FOR ABOUT A YEAR. I'm just not used to it. I've never been away from home for this long before.

I hope the community somehow plays more Hold'em than Omaha or any other silly European form of poker.

This is pretty crazy. It's so much different when you're the one walking away from the crowd.

Ready my ass. I've never been this unprepared for anything in my life since...wait nevermind, probably my exams a few months ago.

Phil Ivey folded Q/8 twice. Why?

There's no such thing as gender superiority. Who you are today wasn't pre-determined by your gender. It's the easy way out to generalize and classify people's characteristics according to their gender, but it's NOT the answer.

Can't wait for Year 2 to be over. Then the others can join us.

I NEED DOWNLOAD-FRIENDLY INTERNET ACCESS. Music. Poker videos. TV series. Pleaaaaase.

I'm so tired. I haven't slept well. The plane better be comfortable. I just can't sleep now with all these things running through my mind.

I don't really wanna leave this. Hm.

Ready?

2008-09-23T21:21:00.002+08:00

I've got about 36 hours before I leave. I've just started packing, realized I have a lot of shit missing, yet I'm still calm, walking around the house with nothing to do.

Does this mean I'm really ready to leave, or the complete opposite?

Clear out

2008-09-21T22:12:00.003+08:00

I cleaned my car today. It was pretty horrible.

Parking tickets throughout the year. Want some?

At least 200 of them. I'm rich ^_^

I'm Full.

2008-09-18T19:52:00.018+08:00

Now for a very special food/meal review on my own dishes. Did a 3 course meal tonight for the family:

Appetizer - Broccoli soup with Parmesan cheese and (somewhat of a huge) crouton

What it looks like:

Horribly un-chef-ly of me to leave that stain on the side of the plate =(

What it should look like:

Looks somewhat similar I suppose?

Recipe/inspiration:
Gordon Ramsay. No further explanation required.

What it tastes like:
I thought it was pretty bland at the beginning. I followed Gordon Ramsay's recipe, which means I put cheese at the bottom of the bowl before serving it. It tasted pretty damn good after I remembered that and stirred the soup a bit and the cheese dissolved a little. I thought it was way too peppery, but the tasters were fine with it (except mom).

I got what I wanted with the taste I guess, different flavours from mom's usual cooking.

Main course - Chicken and mushroom Marsala with (somewhat of a huge) crouton

What it looks like:

Tastes nothing like how it looks.

What it should look like:

This is veal. I did chicken. Only because it's safer ^_^

Recipe/inspiration:
Gordon Ramsay. Again. Yeah.

What it tastes like:
The chicken itself was pretty normal but had a good bite to it, tender and juicy. Didn't have a lot of flavour to offer as it was cooked separate from the mushroom, butter and Marsala sauce. Combined with the sauce though, which had been stewing and reducing in alcohol (Marsala) for a good 20 minutes had a great unique flavour to it. I've never tasted anything quite like it - like biting into juicy mushrooms that squirt buttery alcohol into your mouth. Yum.

The next time I try this recipe (if I ever do), I'll probably cook the chicken in the sauce for a bit as well, because the chicken on its own was...just pan-fried chicken, pretty much.

Dessert - Malibu Banana Foster with a scoop of vanilla ice cream

What it looks like:

What it should look like:

Sauce is a lot darker than mine.

Recipe/inspiration:
Online recipe

What it tastes like:
Fantastic! 290 reviews, 5 star recipe. I was very confident in making this because of all the good reviews. And it's sooooo fucking easy to make, it's absolutely idiot-proof. Throw rum (I used Malibu), cinnamon, sugar, vanilla and butter into a pan, bubble it up, throw bananas in and cook for a couple of minutes. Serve with ice cream. Bam, hot and cold, sweet with cinnamon.

Highly recommended. DO IT. And tell me how awesome I am for recommending it.

PS: I FORGOT TO PUT NUTS =(

Extra dessert for the chef - Inniskillin 2006 Vidal Icewine ^_^

Doesn't smell very fragrant but there's an instant zing when it goes around the mouth. A little too sweet, but that's what a dessert wine is. Awesome stuff.

All in all
Mild success? I think a little better than mild success, I'm a big fan of my meal :P

Lastly, a few preparation shots:

Chickenz on da trayz.

Laying the plate and pouring sauce over ice cream, while mom scoops ice cream on. Hah, my sous-chef!

Bam! T'was a good night =)

Sudden Silence

2008-09-18T00:12:00.003+08:00

I stood in the shower absent-minded and indulged in thinking about tonight before I turned the water on. When I finally snapped out of the little flashbacks and decided to finally move, my feet were glued to the ground because of how long I'd been standing there.

To think about it, we don't have nights like these very often. At the same time, though, there was nothing particularly spectacular about it, aside from JH buying dinner (which is totally holy fucking upsetting the balance of nature). But it was nice. Nothing special, just a comfortable and simple time out with a bunch of good friends. Shouting at each other in the car, playing with food and making watery soups with an assortment of leftovers, etc. The usual.

I guess there's really no point to writing all this, just that as always, I'll miss the simple times when they're gonna be put on hold for the next (few) year(s) or so.

I've got like a week left and there still seems to be so much left undone (, mostly chores). One of which though, is to cook a 3 course meal for the family tomorrow. Have the menu all planned out, and hoping it'd be at the very least a mild success. I'm realistic.

Pictures of both tonight's stuff and tomorrow's dinner will be posted soon, I guess.

PS: Sudden Silence refers to how lonely I suddenly feel at the laptop right now even though it's about the 60,000th time I've sat in front of a computer screen doing my own thing.

And with my one last gasping breath, - Chapter 5

2008-09-17T06:59:00.003+08:00

7 hours. I've reached my target and beat it by 2.5 hours. I have played 26.5 hours of poker in the past 6 days.

Tonight was a solid game for me. I had a pretty big chip lead over everyone on the table and held it there for about 2 hours before I made a bad call with 2 pairs against straights, and almost half my chip stack leaked away. The other chips were all thrown in due to aggressive pre-flop play (almost none of which paid off - 4 times with A/Q completely missing flop).

But I didn't at any point of the night go below my buy-in of 100 chips, and ended the night with 362 chips. I played 3 lower straights when there were 3 suited cards on the table to split the pot twice and sweep all the chips once. I played lowest pair to call like 3 of JH's bluffs, raking in ~50 chips per pot. I folded 4 2-pairs against straights on all 4 occasions. I folded A highs against people who hit lowest pair on river, and called with lowest pair to beat a handful of bluffs. My reads were scaring myself.

And a game I'll remember for some time:
8/9 in hand. 6 7 10 rainbow flop. Raise 10. JH calls.
7 turn. Raise 20. JH raises. I push all in. JH calls.
JH turns over A/A.
*calculates* "4 outs, last card, 8%, hah!"
J river.
Double up chips!

For once the pairs that beat the table don't hit a set on the river. It was previously 16% which beat me, now it's 8% that loses. At least I'm being rewarded for good plays now.

I think I've officially overdosed on poker tonight. But that doesn't mean I won't be back for more ^_^ Good night!

PS: Pictures up soon maybe.

And with my one last gasping breath, - Chapter 4

2008-09-15T00:56:00.002+08:00

Nothing screams out bad beats and ice cold decks like today's games for me. It was painful as hell.

To top it all off, my big attempts at grabbing pots get called:

3 7 8 10 J table, all in with ~350 chips into a pot of ~50 chips with A K bluff. And I get called by the only player on the table who could call such a big all in, with 10/7.

I was down a whopping 485 chips when there were ~40 chips left in my hands (mind you, we play 1 chip/2 chip blinds). It was the last round of deals before we ended. In one hand, I quadrupled up my chips. On the very last hand, I tripled up my chips, with pocket 7s on a table of 7 10 10 J J. To make things even more amazing, my opponents who were still battling it out while I was all in were playing A/A and Q/Q. The best I could have hoped for.

I end the game with 502 chips, and someone who had 23 chips of winnings tossed the bit into mine, making it 525 chips - the exact amount of my buy-in.

1. Thank you for the 23 chips.
2. Thank you for playing 3 nights of poker in a row with me.
3. Thank you whatever is up there for giving me the hands I absolutely needed (even though you're probably responsible for my earlier bad beats).

PS: This is more like a poker journal than a blog.
PPS: 4.5 hours clocked out. 4.5/24 hours to go!

And with my one last gasping breath, - Chapter 3

2008-09-14T02:52:00.002+08:00

Pretty bad and slow moving day. Didn't learn much, really, but noted a lot of differences between tournament plays and cash game plays. Ended with -60 chips, not too bad considering my hands were crap all - bloody - night.

3 hours out. 9 to go.

Friday night next, anyone?

And with my one last gasping breath, - Chapter 2

2008-09-13T05:42:00.003+08:00

Cut 5 hours off the time. I've got 12 hours to go.

Relatively good night. Taught me a lot, as always. Delighted to fight back from -140 chips to +390 chips. =)

Also having never had quads before, getting it twice in a night:

1) Pocket 9s, a 9 on flop and a 9 on turn (to beat a crappy 2 pair - see above)
2) J 3 (limped in), 2 Js on flop and another J on turn (to beat a flush Q high).

And I will never forget this game for very special reasons. You judge it for yourself:

Pocket 5s. Raise to 11. 3 folds, 2 calls.
Flop opens 7 7 5. Bet 10. JH calls. Boon folds.
Turn opens 8. Bet 15/25 (can't remember). JH calls.
Turn opens Q. Bet 20 (I think?), re-raised to 40 (or so). I call.
Opponent opens pocket Qs.

Now the Qs may have been played because the pair beat the table, but I cannot accept that someone goes in that strong with his calls (with virtually 0 seconds of thinking each bet) without realizing how easy it is to be beaten by a single 7, higher pockets, or in my case, a full house. Bad beat? I'm not sure. Don't know exactly. I personally thought I played the full just fine.

But ahh, at the end of the day I got through with horrible 6 high bluffs, called with a few A pairs against lower pairs who tried to bluff their way through, etc. and fought back much better than I'd expected. See you in the 12 hours (or more) to come.

And with my one last gasping breath, - Chapter 1

2008-09-12T00:37:00.008+08:00

Aside from the chores I absolutely have to do, I would like to:
a. Cook a full course meal for my family (starter, main course, dessert), and
b. Play poker for a total of at least 24 hours,
before I leave.

I've played 7 hours on FTP (thanks to my sponsor ^_^), so let's cut that out and make it 17 hours to go.

Let the games begin! (preferably with hands like in the screenie)

Double-Eff Two

2008-09-08T20:12:00.007+08:00

Final Fantasy 2: Dawn of Souls
Gameplay time: 19 hours 40 minutes
Steps: 46567
Gil: 1,902,694 (absolutely insane for any FF game)

It absolutely amazed me how such a primitive game could get me hooked for so long. I played about 5 hours of FF1 and it pissed me off because the game had a pretty crappy storyline (think 'rescue the princess' style, and didn't send me in a very distinct direction, so I gave up and gave FF2 a shot, just out of boredom. And I got roped in!

This game had amazing storyline, especially considering it was made such a long time ago. It may have been a typical good vs. evil thing, but the development of it throughout the game was quite impressive.

Gameplay wise, I think they also had a lot of unique styles that I wished they had adapted and reused in the newer FFs:

Level system - There are no levels per se. Character stats, hp and mp increase according to how they are used, e.g. the more a character gets hit, the more his/her hp increases; etc. and I absolutely love how if you use a character to hit too much, the intelligence decreaces, or if a character casts too much, the strength decreases.
Character change - Every once in a while, the 4th character of the party will change. This is in accordance to the storyline, and each individual plays a role in the team.
Equipment - You can train pretty much all of your party members to suit any role, as long as you train them long enough with a particular type of equipment, e.g. spears, swords, shields, etc. Really provides a lot of room for a personal touch and diversification, very unlike Crisis Core.

One of the most important things about this game that roped me in was its elaborate and detailed storyline that went on for that long (refer to gameplay time) without getting too dull. It also had a lot of replay value (probably the most important thing in an RPG) because it takes a pretty long time to develop characters all the way to the top.

What I didn't like, though, was how the game got ridiculously easy towards the end. From the beginning till around the middle, I was struggling to survive, checking how to get around from time to time so I didn't have to waste so much of my effort to fight the harder battles. This all changed when I started training my characters a little and got slightly overpowered at the end. And it's not just the training that made me overpowered, it was the equipment I got in the last few hours. It was madness, swapping items I got 5 minutes ago for better ones just rooms away. It felt a little too fast-paced and well, imba.

However I did enjoy the challenge throughout the game and some parts were admittedly too fucking hard and I had to go through walkthroughs from time to time and check the world map online because the stupid PSP version didn't have one, and I spent way too long trying to find some places around the world.

Soul of Rebirth
Gameplay time: 5 hours 11 minutes
Steps: 5113
Gil: 401,111

Excited that I've finally finished the game and satisfied with the ending of the storyline, I really wanted to start writing this review this morning until I realized I'd unlocked an extra part of the game - Soul of Rebirth. I thought it wouldn't last very long, so I got started.

Here I am, approximately 8 hours later.

GODDAMN THIS WAS CHALLENGING. The true gameplay time would actually be about 6 hours. The rest of the time wasn't recorded in the game because I'd re-re-re-re-re-loaded a tonne of times and I'm pretty sure others who have finished this part of the game have done the same.

The disgusting thing about this part of the game is that the side characters (4th party members that keep rotating in and out) are the main characters! So whatever state you left them at, there they are. Now for me, a reader of walkthroughs, I knew when to unequip the side characters before they left my party. Now in this part of the game, they come in unequipped and horribly un-trained because I tend to neglect pieces of crap. Hence the challenge of the game.

At the end of the day though, I mostly just trained my ass through and finished the game for the sake of it. I wasn't particularly impressed because the amount of storyline fitted in these 5 hours are just a tiny, tiny fraction of what was in those 19 hours of the previous part of the game. I thought it didn't do much for the development of storyline or characters but hey, it was certainly an excellent feature to increase replay value.

All In All

It was great to be where it all began. The roots. The primordial soup of Final Fantasy.

Masamune, Tiamat, Cid and his Airship, Ultima Magic, Ultima Weapon, and Chocobos just to name a few of the things we hear everday in the newer FFs.

Also in the spirit of most of the FF games I play, I've named my characters:
Gemynd
B!+C}{
H0mO
fA&0+

It just gives me a good laugh when I'm stoned and the speech bubbles pop out with the main character going, "B!+C}{!"

I thoroughly enjoyed this and recommend this for the fans of FF (as opposed to FF1) for a challenging game, a time-waster, and a good look at the history of FF.

Just a screenie of the very old version.

And one of the PSP version.

The sweet sound of shuffled chips...

2008-09-06T05:48:00.003+08:00

10 players, 6 hours, and some fucking good games.

That had to be one of the best, if not the best Hold'em nights I've had.

(No, I actually didn't get pocket Aces tonight)

I may have lost RM14 (a fragment of my overall poker winnings), but I wouldn't trade that for the experience I gained today.

Experience of a big table of 10. Experience of dealing with 4c 4h 4s on the flop. Experience of Ac Kc Qc on flop (I folded with 3c 6c). Experience of even more quads (2) and straight flushes (1). Fantastic stuff, extremely well played.

Good games.

Please?

2008-09-03T18:15:00.005+08:00

For my birthday, maybe?

Pessimism

For Christmas?

Ambition

For..just being awesome, in general?

Persistence

Well I'm not picky, anything from this website will do.

The concept is brilliant, it really is.

Just out of desperation

2008-09-02T06:48:00.007+08:00

The silence is really bugging me.

Lately I've been spending most of my time alone and that's normally quite fine when I have something to do. But it's just intolerable when all I do is watch shows on my laptop and surf the routine Youtube, Facebook, and mail. It's killing me.

To make things worse, I've been sick the past week and it's screwing me over pretty bad. Spent most of my days since I caught the flu sleeping, eating, and yeah, watching more shows on the laptop. This has really gotten in the way of my supposedly healthy lifestyle that I've been trying to get on the past few weeks. Have lost a bunch of weight in these few days but that's probably from hardly having the energy to even eat. I feel a lot scrawnier. Bleh.

~

I'd like to briefly mention that after watching series after series throughout the holidays, I've found my Best Ever comedy and reality show.

Best Comedy Ever - Arrested Development

The series only lasted for 3 seasons and it's ridiculous that so few people (or at least people I know) have heard about it. I've been a hardcore fan of so many comedies out there like Friends (yes, I'm not afraid to admit it), Scrubs, The Office, and more recently, Flight of the Conchords and 30 Rock. But Arrested Development easily rises above any of them.

It's indescribable. I'm just doing my part by spreading it to increase it's popularity.

Best Reality Series Ever - The F Word

I've always been a fan of every Gordon Ramsay series. And there are seriously a whole lot of them. But the F word stands out so much more because aside from getting you educated about food and entertaining you, you get a much closer look at Gordon for who he really is.

The first few hours I've watched of him were random episodes of Kitchen Nightmares and Hell's Kitchen, which was fantastic for quick entertainment because it was basically this pissed-off but talented chef swearing at everyone in his path. It got me hooked for a while, and I continued to watch tens of hours of his shows.

The man's a lot more than just his foul mouth and supposed bad temper. He's in fantastic shape - for those who don't know, he runs marathons every once in a while and has a best time of just above 4 hours (which is pretty fucking amazing). His success in his businesses are phenomenal - think 18 restaurants (and counting), 12 Michelin Stars, all the bloody TV shows and cookbooks, etc. And one of the things that impresses me most about him is his character - his quest for getting people to eat healthy food, the crazy things he does to hunt for ingredients, and how humble he actually is under the orders of experts in their own field (e.g. working in a Chinese kitchen recently and getting his ass owned by the head chef there); all of which can be seen in Season 4 of The F Word.

I used to like this man back when I just knew the surface, the witty remarks and the crazy swearing. But he's become much more than that to me now, you could even say he's become somewhat of an inspiration. To want to cook, eat healthy, keep in good shape, and of course one day even be a fraction as successful as he is. We may not be dealing with fields that have anything to do with each other, but he's still someone I'd like to learn a few things from.

~

And in these last, silent 'moments' before I leave to the UK, I suddenly miss the stuff we went through as junior scouts in Form 1 and 2. I miss being that damn physically and mentally active pretty much everyday. I miss feeling that alive, which is something I want more now than anything because I've been robbed of practically a week of my life with this flu and of course because I'm about to leave to continue a life of doing something I HATE. SO. MUCH. - studying.

I suddenly wished I had the chance to enroll myself with the Marines or something, so I could work my ass off and fight for something I believed in and keep a simple, healthy life of working towards that for a really long time. Hm.

Dawning.

2008-08-25T17:01:00.004+08:00

Yup, it is. I have 31 days left here and not unlike any other holiday, I'm regretting how I chose to spend it. However, more so now than ever.

31 days and I'm yet to back-up my hard drives, scale my teeth, apply for a goddamn visa (which hopefully will be done by tomorrow), sell my car (anyone interested? :P), get into proper physical shape, 'obtain' all the music albums still in my list (and sort them out), get a bloody haircut, alter some pants, shop for clothes (which I despise), read more Chuck Palahniuk, attempt more creative writing, and so many other random errands.

This is just somewhat of a to-do list. I'll start off with a 2 hour jog or something now (which would probably equal the longest time I've jogged in 5 years or something).

/whinemodeoff
/kthxbai
/srylameupd8

Crisis.

2008-08-15T03:31:00.004+08:00

I mean seriously. Crisis. Core. As in Crisis Core - Final Fantasy VII.

I picked up the PSP. I played for 12 hours and 22 minutes without dropping it for more than a total of 20 minutes in between (to eat, drink water, etc.)

Storyline - Chapter 6/11. Slow.
Optional missions - 70/300 (23% complete). Excruciating. But considerably fast.

I tried so bloody hard to stay awake the day before just so I could fix my sleeping hours. Now I'm screwed again. And I completely forgot about all my responsibilities. Kinda forgot where my life was headed before picking this PSP up, too.

Reminds me of my week before SPM, high fever, bad flu, covered in a blanket at 9 in the morning doing my quest to get Omnislash for Cloud, then proceeding to finish the game (FF7 for PS, whatever that was titled). If you're anything like me in this sense, stay the hell away from a PSP, and stay the hell away from this game.

I'll write a proper review of the game when I'm actually done with it. But I'm not sure how much of my brains will remain unharmed when I'm finished.

'Till then, I would like to express my thanks and fuck yous to SquareEnix for creating the game, Sony for creating PSP, VY (or his brother) for being ridiculously generous enough to lend someone a PSP, and JH for...re-lending it to me.

~

Let's begin.

First impressions were fantastic. Fresh concepts including the new non-turned gameplay style were extremely refreshing (especially for a Final Fantasy game) and for the first few hours, it just keeps you wanting to explore the game. What's new? Materia fusing? Dodging attacks? DMW? I need to know more!

A big part of the game known as missions, are optional areas that you can explore and unlock as the storyline progresses. Also a fresh idea. But I really, really think they could have done a better job in developing them. Stacking 300 repetitive mission after mission with the tiniest bit of side-storyline in each mission is not what I look for in a single-player RPG. If they could have kept terrains unique, developed deeper storyline and REDUCED THE NUMBER of missions, it would have been a much more interesting concept. I played about 20 missions before I felt like killing myself.

Another huge crack in this otherwise flawless game is what really spoilt it for me. After finishing off about 50 missions in the first few chapters, I began to realize how ridiculously strong my character became. I received confirmation of this when checking with a friend's saved game, where we were both in Chapter 5 yet he had ~1.8k hp and mine was a whopping 7k. The fact that my character was a lot stronger may have been due to the fact that I'm very familiar with FF games and know how to manage it, BUT it does not justify the difference of that much hp/dmg between the both of us.

Reading from walkthroughs every so often to check on my progress, I've also noticed I doubled the recommended level for bosses and checkpoints along the way (being LVL31 while hitting a boss whose recommended level is 15). This completely spoiled the game for me.

With this, it took me only an additional 3-4 hours to complete the game from Chapter 5-11. Which of course leads to the other obvious flaw of the game being too short. Also because of this I felt like a lot of the storyline revolved around very few places in the FF7 world and it felt a little too close to home (the character's home) for me to feel like I really went on one hell of an adventure.

Aside from that, however, the concepts kept me addicted long enough, the storyline was not unlike any other FF7 game - brilliant. And in terms of this being a game on a bloody portable gaming device, I think we've come a long way from hopping and platforms and collecting mushrooms. Still, I believe there have been a number of limitations along the way because it's on a portable device, so there's a lot of room for improvement and a long, long way before perfection.

PS: Yuffie is a little bitch who steals materia, haha. -This is not a reference to anyone I know in real life-
PPS: Zack is about a million times cooler than that Cloud bitch.
PPPS: Aerith is so much hotter in Crisis Core.

Panic (without the exclamation mark)

2008-08-06T02:04:00.010+08:00

VY, you couldn't have cleaned your fucking lens before taking pictures of these guys? (Funnily cropped pictures due to people's heads and hands in the way)

I've been subconsciously waiting for this day for the past 28 months or so. Let me make a quick general statement. To hell with everyone who ever doubted Panic at the Disco's ability to sing live. They were off the fucking hook tonight.

I didn't get what was not to love. Their vocals were original and spontaneous, and isn't much different from their studio recordings. They had awesome stage presence and clearly felt and meant what they sang/played. And most of all they interacted with the audience so much so that it felt like it was a chilled-out rehearsal at someone's backyard.

Examples of interaction include asking the audience to show 'jazz hands' on queue before one of the songs, replacing one of their lyrics in a song to "If the people of Malaysia will just sing with me", wishing happy birthday to an energetic audience member, and best of all, the lead singer asking us to take the role of the piano player by making piano noises at the introduction of "Time to Dance" while the rest of the band members were 'taking a breather'. It felt very personal for these reasons and many more minor events that took place throughout the concert.

And I absolutely loved the little breaks they took between songs. Not to chill out and talk but to re-tune instruments for different songs, swap guitars for different types of guitars (e.g. electric for acoustic) and at times just switching the entire instrument altogether (e.g. guitar for tambourines). It's obvious from there that they're not your run-of-the-mill band.

I almost felt sorry for them at the beginning because there were ~500 people there? But at the end of it I stopped and channeled my sympathy to the people who were missing out on such a great occasion. I was a little worried that they wouldn't have the passion to play their music with such a small crowd but they played their bloody hearts out.

I'm actually pretty proud of the audience as well because the amount of response and support they gave throughout the concert was shockingly powerful. People knew the lyrics of their songs, for fuck's sakes. Panic songs. With super intricate, detailed and complex lyrics.

There's even the funny story of these girls who were clearly fanatics since the start of the show, holding up posters, cheering them on like crazy, and throwing those big plush flowers onto stage. The drumsticks were thrown at the end of the concert at a random direction away from them when sadly, they were holding a "Drumsticks please, Spencer" sign right from the beginning of the concert. These people didn't bloody give up and shouted crap like "WE GAVE THE FLOWERS EARLIER, PLEASE GIVE US SOMETHING BACK." when Panic had left the stage like 15 bloody minutes ago. Sounds sad? Nah, they were rewarded.

"You can take a picture but I'm not letting go of it," the girl still crazy from excitement.

Yeah, you're probably wondering what the hell I was doing there as well 15 minutes after the concert but I was rewarded too! Panic posters free of charge which were selling for RM20 at the door. Muahaha. I didn't go home empty-handed.

Brendon Urie, lead singer.

Brendon Urie's stage persona is as I've always known. The cool, charismatic, slightly crazy guy with the looks and the words (who also happened to wear a tambourine on his head to play halfway through the last song).

The person who really caught my attention all this while however was Ryan Ross for his amazing talent in song-writing.

Ryan Ross, lyricist, lead guitarist and back-up vocalist.

And just a little more of him.

It was an unbelievably overwhelming experience to sing along with one of my absolute favourite artists of all time and may I say, I am honoured to have stood ~10 metres from Ryan and the rest of the band.

It's Gone.

2008-08-05T05:49:00.005+08:00

Yes, it's pretty much been confirmed that blueserver.org is officially gone.

Not in the sense that the members are slowly depleting, or that finances are tight, but really nuked and there-is-no-longer-proof-of-it-ever-existing.

Say what you (or I) will about the server in the recent months but it was so much a part of all the members at one point. Whether you go there just to play a few games or surf the forums or check banlist reports or organize events, it was more than just a server. It was a community for over 50,000 Malaysian gamers.

What saddens me is not just its disappearance, but the fact that none of it was salvaged. No member database, no forum, everything just got completely erased. As though it never existed.

I stopped caring about this server since a really long time ago but I still held and still hold on to the tiniest and weirdest things like writing the first set of rules for the server, having meetings that lasted hours and hours just to get through the crappy situations (especially financial and sponsorship related ones), and the hundreds of friends I've made there throughout the years.

But it's over now, and yeah, good things have come to an end.

Cheers to all Blueserverians out there and I hope the spirit (no matter how corny this sounds) and memories will remain with us.

-(Ex)|GM|Gemynd

Live!

2008-07-31T04:15:00.004+08:00

I'm not expecting much, because they don't seem very much like live performers. But to support one of my favourite artists is an honour and an extreme rarity. This will be, after all, my first concert of the sort.

Thrice in Five Days

2008-07-20T15:52:00.009+08:00

Woot.

At this point, with this picture, there's really nothing more to say.

I watched it twice before watching Batman Begins, which was also pretty fantastic, I'd have to say. Wonder why nobody made a big fuss out of it. Even if they did, the fuss wasn't big enough for me to have heard about it.

Whether either of the movies deserve to be up there (84% and 94% for Batman Begins and The Dark Knight respectively, according to rottentomatoes.com) is a different question.

Batman Begins

I'm actually glad I watched this movie after The Dark Knight because The Dark Knight was what got me going and excited about the series, and then Batman Begins ventures into its history and how everything came to be. You could say I just watched a Memento version of it.

The key strengths of this film are obvious, and need no elaboration. Great acting, great plot, great action. I think what Batman Begins obviously lacked was something a little deeper, perhaps a more complex villain.

Generally, it entertained, it went a little beyond that, but it could have been better. It didn't offer anything more for the audience to think about at the end of it. And urm while we're on the subject of things that sucked:

"...However, Katie Holmes's performance was not well received, and she was nominated for a Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress."

Oops?

The Dark Knight

Not unlike the prequel, and VERY unlike any other superhero movie I've seen, this movie had all of Batman Begin's merits amplified, and all of its flaws patched up. And presuming the world (like me) wants a deeper storyline and an even more demented villain, our prayers have been answered.

What The Joker brings to the table is nothing short of brilliance. Nutjobs like these intrigue me the most. It's why I love the killer in Se7en, killing people in accordance to the seven deadly sins, in a somewhat corresponding way. It's why I love Tyler Durden in Fight Club, introducing anarchy and never looking back, never afraid of what the world might become. Very clearly demented people and people you'd never want to come close to in person, but people you would absolutely love to study because in one very twisted way, they do make sense. From there, you have yourself the ultimate villain crafted. And to unleash the villain? Heath Ledger. What more could you ask for?

And on the subject of tremendous acting, what thrilled me the most about this movie is that not a single line or scene contained a part with awkward acting. It was flawless, solid with a cast like Christian Bale, Heath Ledger (who seemed more like the main actor), Aaron Eckhart, Maggie Gyllenhaal, and even the tiniest roles by Michael Caine, Gary Oldman, Morgan Freeman, Eric Roberts and yes, even that little Chinese guy, Chin Han :P Never was there a moment in that movie where I thought, "Hey, that's really bad/mediocre acting" about any of the characters in the movie.

Action and flair, actual character and story development, and making you question society's beliefs and norms for just a few seconds, daring you to reposition your line that separates right and wrong. It's what movies like these should aspire to be, and it's what The Dark Knight already is.

The story was told well and in plenty of detail. It was particularly impressive that I, prior to this show, knew nothing about Batman, and totally caught every little minor plot they introduced. Also, I absolutely loved how there were so many scenes throughout the movie that foreshadow future events later in the show, and probable future events that may take place in the next movie. Don't want to spoil anything for anyone who hasn't seen it, but I'm pretty sure those who have watched it know what I mean.

In general, in terms of giving the award for best superhero movie, I'd give The Dark Knight the #1 spot and every other superhero movie would be somewhere at the 30th spot. Just because none of the other movies would compare to it. But when we're talking about giving away the award for THE best movie, I'd have to think twice. However I can most certainly say, it has to be one of the best movies of our time. If you're not watching it for the 2nd/3rd time like everyone else, let alone watching it at all, you're missing out on one of the greatest movie experiences ever and should give up on life or something. RM12 or whatever you pay in your country is a small price for 2.5 hours of brilliance of this measure.

PS: I absolutely loved how a single, dragged, high-pitched note which gets its volumed turned up and its pitch increased every few seconds could play with the viewers' emotions even when it was used like 5 times throughout the movie.
PPS: If you'll excuse me, I've got Batman, Batman Returns, Batman Forever, and Batman & Robin to watch now. Yes, I'm lifeless, friend-less, and strangely enthusiastic in what I enjoy. Sound familiar?:

PPPS: Sir, you are about to become THE icon of the movie business. BTW, check out www.whysoserious.com for one of the most awesome concept websites I've come across. This is of course if you've actually watched the movie.

NOW.

2008-07-13T20:56:00.003+08:00

PLEASE.

Blizzard

2008-06-30T09:20:00.008+08:00

I have not been this excited about anything for a really, really long time.

Oh. My. God.

Yeah, no fucking kidding. Blizzard's opened the Diablo III site too, with news and everything =)

If you're anything like me in the gaming world, you'd be high right now. I've been waiting for the release of this game ever since I got hooked on Diablo II, and that was like 8 friggin' years ago. Well I've technically been waiting since I got hooked on the Diablo series, so that was probably like 11 years ago. I was 9/10 years old then.

When a sequel to something is about to be released, I watch/play the movie/game in anticipation for it. This game, for me, however requires about 0 preparation for it. Every holiday season I get myself a game to tie myself to for a while. I think about 90% of these holidays in the past 8 years have revolved around Diablo II. And at the end of every season I tell myself it's over because of how bored I am of it. Only to find myself playing it again, and again, and again. And here I am again at this specific moment, taking a break from the game.

After spending thousands of hours on this game, and another few thousand on other Blizzard games, I don't attempt to question why I get so hooked to them.

The 'official' release of Diablo III has just been announced today, for the 31st of December 2008 (probably the only news I bother to keep up with). They've been working on this game for 3 years but have not announced any news about it until this week, those sneaky sons of bitches. But knowing Blizzard anyway, I'd predict it to be released in 2010. But I absolutely love whoever is in charge of these delays.

These delays are what make the game what they are. They can just as easily release Diablo III as a piece of shit tomorrow and still sell millions of copies within the first day of launch. But they don't, because this gaming company (or someone in there who's responsible) has this crazy perfectionist attitude and needs for everything to be perfect before it gets released.

And this attitude never seems to die, and can be seen in the fact that there are still support teams working their asses off to patch, introduce new things and balance games that have been released a decade ago. What's wonderful about this is that the games you play always seem to change, and grow as you grow. I just played 8 continuous hours just a while ago and noticed so many subtle differences between the older versions of Diablo II and the newer ones, and I love the fact that it feels like the game has grown as I've played it. What's bad about the delays, though, is that graphics for games get outdated really fast, but who has time to care about that when the gameplay of every Blizzard game is so incredible? In the gaming world, it truly is what's on the inside that counts.

Tee hee. Cows.

I'm not all that interested in MMORPGs either but playing World of Warcraft changed a lot for me as well, for the same reasons. It really doesn't make me question why they make billions of dollars per year from the tiny number of games they actually have. Warcraft. Diablo. Starcraft. World of Warcraft. That's about all it takes to make billions a year. Simple, isn't it?

After ~30 minutes on Illidan, he almost wipes the entire raid with 1% hp. But the 3 remaining raid members kill him. (Private server moment)

Then you get games like Warcraft III with the brilliant extension of the minimap system. One of the most popular games in the world now, DotA, wouldn't bloody exist now without this system in Warcraft III. The funny thing about it is that there are more people playing the extensions now than the actual game, but hell, it works.

Ahh. v5.84c Medusa with Rapier at 28th minute. Good game, folks.

Um anyway after all that dragging and beating around the bush, what I'm getting at is that Blizzard Entertainment has to be the ultimate game-making company. It's been 12 years down the road and some of the most primitive Blizzard games like Warcraft I and Diablo I still stay fresh in my memory. These moments captured on screenshots will always be a part of my memory. My longest streak of playing a game without stopping of 18 hours on Diablo II just a few years ago will always remain in my memory.

Blizzard Entertainment, you have robbed thousands of hours of my lifetime through your ridiculously addictive games. I thank you for that ^_^.

THE WORLD

2008-06-28T16:23:00.003+08:00

IS OUT TO GET ME.

Pro: I had a bitching drinking night.
Con: I dropped my glasses. I think I stepped on it, too. It's bent. I'm screwed.

Pro: I sobered up and got up in the afternoon, early enough to get my glasses fixed.
Con: 2 separate shops said they couldn't fix it. I had to go all the way to the one I bought the pair from.

Pro: No fee for repairing!
Con: It's sent to the workshop but it may not be fixed. I MAY HAVE TO GET NEW FRAMES. AFTER A GRAND TOTAL OF 2 DAYS OF HOLDING ON TO THEM.
Con: I wanted to fix it without my dad's knowledge. He was having rojak in a stall right next to the optometrist's shop. The rest is history. Upon leaving, "If it can't be fixed, you're going to have to downgrade your pair." (won't be the same ~RM350 Ray Ban I had)

Con: I have shitty sense of direction and drove into an area that was raining fucking heavily. A waste of time.
Con: I fucking paid to have my car washed yesterday, first time in 3 months. IT'S DIRTY AGAIN.
Pro: Jamie Cullum CD playing while it was raining ^_^

~

But I'm realistic enough to see that most of the cons were caused by my stupidity and my stupidity alone. I take solace in the fact that it's just my stupidity, not the world trying to get me.

Is that a pro or a con?

Twenty-Twenty Surgery, Indeed

2008-06-26T17:29:00.003+08:00

After a year or so of bragging - bragging that I come from a family where everyone wears glasses, where I've spent at least 13,500 hours of my life (non-exaggerated - I actually counted a rough estimate) on the computer, and an average of an hour on the telly everyday in pitch darkness but STILL have perfect vision...

Naturally, after a whole year of having to eat my own words in so many instances...

Bah. At least I got my sight back. Everything looks so crisp and wonderfully sharp. What a wonderful pick-me-up.

Never again will you walk with me in a public area and ask "Is she (a passerby) hot?" and get a reply as sad as "Dunno. Couldn't actually see the face."

Group Dynamics

2008-06-21T17:14:00.002+08:00

I've had 3 very frequent hang-out groups in the past 2 years, namely secondary school, college and university. After many observations made on these 3 separate groups, I find them similar in a lot of ways and I don't feel it's coincidence anymore.

In some way or another I feel because of all these similarities, that we ARE indeed true to our nature and behavioural patterns seem to match that of animals in a pack. Here's what I mean (initials of the people in each group will be listed for anonymity):

The Alpha Male / The Lead Singer / The Charismatic
The leader of the pack. Opinions of these class of people seem to influence and affect the group's mentality the most. The more charming, more confident, and less afraid of voicing out their opinion and really revealing to the other members of the group what they truly are like.
School: TE/FH
College: JT (the taller one)
University: Y

The Walking Bullseye
The one who's the butt of every joke. The one who seems to always be the focus of everyone's friendly insults. Another thing I've noticed about this class of people is that they seem to be calm at every punchline, until a specific person gets on their nerves. For example, everyone seems to make fun about 'The Walking Bullseye' all the time but he only ever gets really offended when it's one particular person who makes fun of him. A coping mechanism, perhaps?
School: JH (kinda obvious, right? :P)
College: BH
University: WJ/DH

The Passive / The Stoner
The one who's the quietest during group conversations. The ones who would be able to talk to you and reveal who they truly are when it's a smaller group, but hardly ever speaks when the number in the pack is larger. Reasons as to this varies from lack of confidence to being easily distracted by thoughts.
School: DLP
College: LE
University: DH

The Followers / The Mediocre
The ones who almost never plan events and go where the group or an individual in the group prefers to go. The ones who seem to be fine with everything. Most groups have more than one of these. Reason as to this behaviour is mainly not being in the position to do something about it, e.g. not having a driving license. Ha, ha, ha. Do the words 'down with whatever' sound familiar?
School: JH (duhhhh) / Perhaps DLP to a certain extent?
College: Me, I think.
University: Come to think of it, most of us are pretty submissive.

The Whiny
The one who seems to make a big fuss out of tiny things. The one who needs convincing before getting him/her to go for something a little less favourable to him/her. The one whose whiny ways seem funny at the beginning but from time to time is asked to just stfu.
School: VY
College: JT (the shorter one)
University: WJ/YH

The Braggart
The one who feels the need to shine a spotlight upon themselves for unnecessary reasons. Just a fun character I guess, not every group has them.
School: TC
College: -
University: NC

~

This post was made for the fun of it and to list down my observations on certain groups. Not making any statements, just providing general thoughts. No harm was meant to anyone mentioned. Also no harm was meant to anyone unmentioned - you are still important parts of your/our group ^_^

Burnt Out

2008-06-20T01:30:00.004+08:00

I love having WinKey on my computer because it gives me unique access to everything I'd ever need like WindowsKey+Q for a notepad and WindowsKey+A for my diary.

I loved being in gym today and being able to know where everything is and how to operate each machine because I've been using them for at least 7 years.

I loved driving my car today. One way I drove at a top of 80 and well below the speed limit because I wanted to appreciate it. The other, I drove at a top of 130 to...well, appreciate it as well. I loved the Taking Back Sunday playing on the CD player because I consider it driving music.

That's just how I am. I am averse to change and I thrive on comfort and familiarity. There have been instances that have given me hints as to my character being like this, but I realized it the most today. And this obviously has something to do with how my plans of leaving to the UK materialized upon receiving my results. When the excitement of getting my results burnt out in a brilliant blaze and reality began to seep in.

I'm the kind of guy who would rather work a mundane crap job with something I have no passion in, than to work an exciting but tiring job.
I'm the kind of guy who gave up on taking up a post in my school's scout troop in 'The Glory Year' (Form 4) because I would rather be a run-of-the-mill follower than the exhausted but excited leader I was the two previous years.
I'm the kind of guy who, if given a chance, would leave my public speaking skills on the ground where it belongs instead of trying to lift or improve it.
I'm the kind of guy who would rather stay at home doing nothing than to go out with a bunch of not-so-close friends just to avoid potential awkwardness.

Nothing will be the same and that doesn't just scare me. It makes me very, very uncomfortable.

I'm the kind of guy who would charge into war with my eyes closed, legs shaking and arms shielding myself. So yeah. UK. Here I come.

PS: I think I've gotten used to writing lengthy posts about simple things and I blame deprivation of writing Law essays for this.

Anxiety

2008-06-18T12:18:00.005+08:00

Results will be published 4 p.m., Reading, 16th June.
Results will be published 11 p.m., Malaysia, 16th June.
Results will be published 1 a.m., Australia, 17th June.

At the news of this I already fuck up my entire vacation on the 15th of June. I'm nervous. I'm anxious. I can't fucking enjoy a holiday like this.

Checked results at 11.50 p.m., Australia, 16th June.
F5. Refresh. Etc.
2 a.m., Australia, 17th June. 1 hour late.

Fuck this. I'm going to bed.

Checked results at 8 a.m., Australia, 17th June.
Website down.
Took shower, washed up.
Checked results at 9 a.m., Australia, 17th June.
Website down.

Fuck this. I have a plane to catch. At this point I'm numbing. I've thought about my results so much and have played the 'YES I PASSED' reaction and the 'FUCK LIFE' reaction over a million times in my head. Am tired. And NUMBED.

Arrived at KLIA.
Checked results at 7 p.m., Malaysia, 17th June.
KLIA internet down. WTF?
Moved to another spot in KLIA.
KLIA internet down. Starting to accept this is all some game to whoever's up there. Numbed.
Moved to another spot in KLIA.
Yay. Up. Website can't load. KLIA something wrong?
Asked friend to check. Needed 15 minutes for dinner.
15 minutes.
Website down.
Got home.
Website down.
Moped till 11 p.m., Malaysia, 17th June.

I need sleep. Slept like a fucking pig. Wonderful sleep as emotions were numbed.

Woke up at 10 a.m., Malaysia, 18th June, miraculously, without an alarm clock.
Website down.
Yup. Thought so.
Announcement on website. Mail us. Website to check results are down.

Really? I hadn't noticed. Bastards.

Mailed.
Automatic reply: Office closed. Will reply when office reopens.
*counts*
10 a.m., Malaysia, 18th June.
3 a.m., Reading, 18th June.

DAMNIT.
Wait ~7 hours?

Friend comes online. Tells me lecturer has results.
Called lecturer in an unbroken, 11 year-old voice.
You passed all, but you didn't do very well for Tort. Call the programme office.

Phew.

Called programme office.
You passed all.
"Okay." (Tell me something I don't know? :P)
*silence*
"Can I have the marks?"
Oh okay, hold on. Are you supposed to be given the exact marks or just your grade?
"I don't know." (If I knew I wouldn't be calling.)
Hold on, please.
*waits 7 minutes on the phone*

And it's here. A grand total of 36 hours of 9 minutes since the results were supposed to arrive, and this waiting time doesn't even include the time I moped in a car all day long in Australia trying to concentrate on something that isn't results, but failing miserably.

Look, at this point, who cares? Yes, horrible and complacent behaviour by saying that "I passed all, good enough", but yeah. I know how much I studied. And yes, good enough :P

MY LIFE HAS JUST BEGUN, AGAIN.

Credits to Yuffie for the support / helping me check.
Aizad for telling me Mun Onn has results.
Mun Onn for telling me to contact the programme office (and telling me I passed).
Programme office for giving me results.
Reading for nothing.

Final Thoughts

2008-06-14T16:42:00.006+08:00

The funny thing is I've written about this like a hundred times thinking, "This is it. These are FINAL thoughts." But it never happened.

I dunno, for some reason I think making one post public instead of hundreds privately (which I have actually written about a 100 since then, btw) would work.

I generally took a long time to get over it and it's understandable (to me, at least) because of the circumstances:

It was my first, so I fell - really, really, deep.
I haven't had anybody to feel that way for since.
I'm a fucking weakling.

Makes perfect sense.

But I've grown to learn that it's not just those things. And even after 28 long months, approximately 840 days, I still come to the same conclusion I had in my FIRST 'Final Thoughts' session. Outdoing myself isn't easy.

I do believe in quality and rating in terms of how eligible a person is for dating and I'm still a firm believer that her rating, whatever the number is, was and is still really, really high. Thus topping that wouldn't be easy. Even today, I could still give you hundreds of reasons why she was 'the one'.

I'd like to take this opportunity to go back at a post that I made a couple of months ago. Top that.

"If I do, then I consider myself lucky. And I don't even believe in luck. So that's something.

If I don't, then at this point I'm willing to say I'm fine with never being able to. And I'm prepared for that.

It's not my fault. Really."

This is what I was referring to then. It's been a good amount of time since I had a long thought about it and the weird thing is, my thoughts remain more or less the same. It's partially my fault for being such a weakling but it's not my fault in the sense that she really was something.

Meeting her again and talking to her properly again made me realize a few things. Here's an extract from my diary that day.

"The obvious truth is that there is a part of my heart that reserves that place for her. I’m completely comfortable with keeping this note and everything she’s ever given me, and even reminisce about it once in a while because that’s what it’s bloody like to be human. It’s only natural that someone who meant so much to you still remains special to you at the end of the day. And I’m fine with that."

I'm not as weak as you think, though. I'd like to state once and for all that the feeling I once had for her is gone, but the fact still remains that I do care about her. For something more than a friend, but less than a lover.

You may disagree with me and think that this is the wrong way to go about it. That nobody would ever have a chance with me if I remain this stubborn. But I beg to differ.

As I said before, after 2.5 years since it's ended and 2.5 solid years of thinking about it intensely from time to time, I figured it's quite impossible to let go completely.

But I figure that's alright because people like me are just like that. Or all people are like that. Or I'm the only person like that. I don't know, but it makes perfect sense to me. Why would I want to erase that part of me? It's similar to the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind situation and I feel no matter how bad life gets or how long it's been, there's no sense in erasing your memories, if there was a way of doing so.

At certain points throughout these periods, I thought I was doing something wrong. It was hard to decide if I should jump into a new relationship with someone because on one hand, I'd risk hurting someone over my emotional baggage. On the other, it is probable that I wouldn't be able to really move on if I stayed single. This, is what I call fucking stuck in the middle.

I had more problems as well, like thinking I didn't have the proper closure I needed. This was well bullshit, because after a little more rational thinking about all the diary entries and e-mails I've written, I was positively sure at the time of each individual event that I had actually said goodbye, and I was not lying to myself to try and move on. It was all real and closure was already there. I've said my goodbyes.

The main problem about closure is that even after saying goodbye, feelings do get revisited and that's what I call 'Hello, again's. That reminds me of what the song 'Collide', by Howie Day means.

"The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time I somehow find
You and I collide

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide"

Therefore making it one of the most important songs to me since about 2 years ago. It's like a theme song for this part of my life.

At the end of the day, however, I think as long as I know where I stand in my 'relationship status', I'll be alright. It's 'single'. No longer 'It's complicated' or 'single but not looking'.

After so many 'goodbye's and 'hello, again's, I think I'm currently perfectly ready to let go. The moment we split paths on that street in Melbourne just a few days ago, it took me 15 seconds of walking before I noticed "Hey, I didn't look back". Now that to most people would just make me absent-minded or something but to me that was a bloody revelation. It was a sign to me that I was ready to move on with life. Corny? Maybe, but that doesn't negate how I feel.

(If I directed a movie about this scene, 'Collide' would play.)

I love her. As earlier said, as more than a friend but less than a lover. It's different. It's special. And I'd be fucking stupid to let it go just because I wanted so bloody much to move on. There's a way to strike that balance and I believe I've done it.

Sad, stalker-ish, loser-ish that I'm doing this 2.5 years after all that? Whatever.

Here's to one of the most wonderful people I've ever met. Thanks for giving me a slice of heaven. And a fucking truckload of hell ;')

PS: You asked me whether or not I still had hang-ups when you saw that note in my wallet. I hope this answers your question.
PPS: We looked horrible together, didn't we?
PPPS: 'Final Thoughts'? I'd like to hope so.
PPPPS: I've outdone myself on the emo meter. If emo was a 10/10, this post is an 11.

Capturing the Moment

2008-06-13T19:48:00.002+08:00

After 700+ pages (Microsoft Word) of diaries, 150+ blog entries, thousands of pages of message histories, 600+ forum posts, I can confirm it's worth it.

Writing about moments in your life, no matter how meaningless they are or no matter how bad you write, it's great.

I'm not even 20 yet and I still feel there are so many things I've gone through in my life that I wish I wrote about just so I could read about how I felt at that time. The details. The emotions. Each time I go back to read something, I feel it like silk between my fingers. It's familiar yet it feels like someone's telling you a story.

I don't regret a single thing I've written and in fact, I wish I'd written more.

In Sydney.

2008-06-04T08:41:00.001+08:00

That I am.

New blog here.

Additional link on the side.

Cheers.

*Movielist

2008-06-02T11:07:00.011+08:00

Kays so I got involved in writing about the best movies according to me, and thought I'd put it down somewhere so I don't forget the next day and have to think about my favourite movies again. It's a personal note kinda thing. Don't bother reading.

Fight Club (yes, it's a genre)
#1: Fight Club

Action
#1: The Dark Knight
#2: The Matrix
#3: Batman Begins
#4: The Matrix Reloaded
#5: The Matrix Revolutions
#6: Troy

Comedy
#1: Monty Python and the Holy Grail
#2: Ali G Indahouse
#3: Thank You For Smoking
#4: Robin Hood: Men in Tights

Drama
#1: Babel
#2: Schindler's List
#3: A Beautiful Mind
#4: The Great Debaters

Musical
#-: Across the Universe ('-' due to horribly biased choice)
#1: Once
#2: Sweeney Todd
#3: Chicago
#4: Moulin Rouge

Chick Flicks I'm Not Supposed To Admit I Like
#1: 10 Things I Hate About You
#2: 50 First Dates
#3: Bridget Jones's Diary
#4: Jerry Maguire
#5: The Devil Wears Prada
#6: A Walk to Remember

Action + Comedy
#1: Snatch
#2: Ocean's Eleven
#3: Ocean's Thirteen

Action + Drama
#1: Se7en
#2: Pulp Fiction
#3: Blood Diamond
#4: Vantage Point

Drama + Romance
#1: Finding Neverland
#2: Cold Mountain

Drama + Romance + Comedy
#1: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
#2: Cruel Intentions
#3: The Terminal
#4: Juno
#5: Love Actually

What a shitty storyline, but it's cool
#1: Drumline

~

Missing anything? Genre mislabel? Let me know.

Disagree with it? Don't care.

Will be updated from time to time.

Senseless

2008-05-31T10:10:00.003+08:00

Every once in a while you wake up to a beautiful morning and have this weird clarity on how you perceive your life.

You wake up to a morning at 6 a.m. to pee.
You're not at home.
You can't go back to sleep.
You watch Spiderman 2 for the 5th time or so even though you hate the movie.
You watch Saturday morning cartoons.
You watch Ashlee Simpson and Madonna music videos when you would normally puke at the sight of either of them.
After burning a few hours, you go home.
Just as you're heading home, you call your friend on the phone to tell him his girlfriend looks hot with short hair.
You hang up.

In the midst of all these random events you start to realize how your life has seemed to stop making sense.

You remember a time when you were young and asked a lot of questions.
You realize how nothing much in your life makes sense anymore, just as before, only you've stopped questioning it.
You remember the night before.
Spending RM35 on crap food at a far-away place where you practically only talked to people you came with.
Drinking with the RM15 remaining in your wallet (RM5 of which you found on the floor and another RM5 made from selling something).
Staying over at your friend's place and actually sleeping, and then leaving first thing in the morning. Which meant staying over was pretty much a waste of time.
You remember more and more things in the past that don't seem to make much sense.

But it's great. And at 9 a.m. on a road with relatively non-existent traffic, you get the time to think about how cool life is when you live it like that. Where everything you do calls for a question, but you just don't ask.

=)

Being alone

2008-05-27T23:08:00.002+08:00

is awesome. Embrace it.

In the past months I've been through several events that provoke me to question certain habits I have. Some days I just feel like staying at home and sleeping, watching TV and doing something absolutely unproductive knowing that I would end up waking up to a new day feeling absolutely shitty.

But it's when I embrace these times and let it be that I feel the most alive at the end of it, regardless of how dead I feel during it. In questioning why these habits exist, I forgot to stop and examine if there was really something to question in the first place.

That's when I notice there's nothing wrong with wanting to be alone a lot. It's a lifestyle. Some people need to get out of the house all the time. That's your lifestyle.

I respect that we have our individual ways of going about it. So you should too.

The Book

2008-05-23T03:41:00.004+08:00

I'd always wanted to read it since the movie and especially since I've never finished a proper book in my life. So I did. Here. And it became the best damn thing I'd ever read (doesn't sound that great considering I don't read much, but yeah). This is me, with a throbbing headache, after finishing Fight Club in 5 (almost continuous) hours.

First and foremost my views might be slightly biased because I watched the movie first.

The Author

I think the first noticeable feature of his writing is proving once and for all that it doesn't take fancy words or artistic styles to make for a good read. Personally, going through his 153 pages of continuous short, simple and quick yet witty sentences has given me a little more confidence in writing. The will to impress with writing fades. But that's when you let go of your self-consciousness and become better. (A tad Ironic that most of the entire book revolves around that sort of 'moral of the story'.)

I've also always believed that geniuses have that darker side; like how the best written movies are all slightly scary, and all creepy serial killers portrayed on TV are the ones who leave clever, symbolic clues to discover the identity of the next victim. Palahniuk most certainly possesses this trait. It's not every writer that can go on talking about dying people and castration while I sit back and laugh at the thought. He's supposedly well-known for dark and gruesome humour, which is so my kinda thing.

The Book

Maybe it's my short attention span for books, but this is the first time I was actually glued to it without even stopping to look at the time as the sentences didn't seem to allow it. Every second of it I felt I HAD to read on. I needed to know. Even when there are bits towards the end that feel slightly dry because it's rambling on about nothing, the ending awaits. The funny thing about it is I've already seen the movie and I know the bloody ending but it doesn't change anything. Knowing a story and wanting to hear it all over again by reading and torturing your already headache-d brain counts for something, to me.

The storyline itself, as I'd already known from the movie, was absolutely amazing. I'm a sucker for the kind of cliché that starts in one event and then flashes back to all the events leading up to it. It's how I like my stories to be told. The grand part about such styles is that no matter where you are in the middle of the story, you want to know how everything relates to the first scene, and how you NEED to know what happens at the end of it all.

Violent fights (that have almost nothing to do with the book), a leader imposing his views on his followers (much like Hitler), anarchy that is so well justified that you actually start to believe there is truth in what this psycho has to say, satire on materialism, subconsciousness (and how powerful it is). All in one. That's about all I can ask for, really. And that's about all I'm saying so as to not spoil it for anyone who will read/watch it.

The Movie, in comparison

What I thought was brilliant about the movie (even after having read the book) is that it never failed to capture the author's intentions. You get scenes which are omitted, merged, completely ignored, yet every bit of the symbolism and the 'point' of the stories are expressed well. In particular, I thought the merging of two very different scenes in the book into one scene for the movie was brilliant. The same, familiar vibe from reading two separate events in the book, spliced into 2 beautiful minutes of screenplay in one continuous event.

But I can't help but to succumb to the judgment that the book is always better than the movie. I think what stood out most is that the book used the limited amount of words they had a lot better than the movie used the limited amount of minutes. The flashbacks towards the end when the narrator of the book discovers The Secret were done very thoroughly and I thought that was an important part of the whole story. Using familiar and distinct lines to trigger the reader to understand what's been happening and answering all the questions along the journey was important and I believe the book did a better job in that sense.

More straightforwardly, the book made me say "Oh, no wonder," a lot more (and a lot louder) than when I'd watched those scenes in the movie. With features like these, the book wouldn't need a second or third read to catch and answer all the things that didn't make sense before; whereas the movie would probably take several more watches before you can fully understand it.

All in all,

the fact that it (both book/movie) affected me to the point where I'm convinced blowing up buildings and scaring people shitless can actually be justified, and that there is actually a purpose in all this, then I'm convinced this is a magnificent piece of work.

Just as the killer in Se7en made me believe there is purpose in kicking and rupturing stomachs, and severing the heads of others; this, I consider to be genius.

10/10. Both movie, and book.

AI 7

2008-05-22T17:51:00.003+08:00

Ahh. I haven't found myself caring about American Idol in a long, long time. But this season was really captivating.

They both deserved to win. They would have if they were on separate seasons, too. I'm more for Cook but Archuleta is pretty damn good as well, so I feel kinda sorry. But what the hell, the title probably wouldn't matter in the end.

Thanks for filling up 3 of my hours looking at Youtube videos, you pricks.

It never stops. - Chapter 2

2008-05-22T03:18:00.003+08:00

Like I've mentioned a billion times in sober states, it's just every once in a while that an event triggers you to believe how special you truly are because you start to think about the infinite number of alternate realities.

From the point where life starts, you already go through a single course and a single strand of one of those realities even with all the variables around that could change everything unimaginably.

It's pretty clear that's why I felt the way I did yesterday and the day before, that things felt like they were ~perfect~ and unchangeable for a brief moment of time.

Then you sleep for 13 hours, wake up at 7 p.m. and life seems to lose its magic. Yet you know the magic will return. In another way, at another time, but the constant that remains is you, and being happy.

That's life, and I love it =)

PS: This answers a question I asked myself in December 2006. I was wrong. It's not fear alone that "makes your breakfast taste better than any meal you and I have ever tasted". Joy does it too.

It never stops. - Chapter 1

2008-05-21T06:53:00.004+08:00

And it never will.

Each and every time such a significant event happens, the world crashes down on me. Like nothing will ever be the same again and nothing in the world could help you recapture those moments.

It happened twice in the past month but the feeling is still the same, and it doesn't get any better just by talking or writing about it. I believe a big part of the reason for the nature of such events is that there is truth to it. The world does crash down on you a little and the only thing you'll have to relive those moments are memories.

When I examine events that seem to piece so perfectly together, I start to believe it more. The tragic thing is that you will never get the 'same kind' of happiness in any two events. Each is unique. The beauty of it, however, is that life remains unpredictable in so many good ways because all of the uniqueness.

It's moments like on the 19th that everything seemed surreal and in slow motion because I felt like I was witnessing some sort of magic. Like the most over-dramatic, unnecessarily nostalgic, corny Disney movie you have ever seen, except the complete opposite. I felt bits and pieces of past events all falling into place, all working in harmony to create every single detail in the event. Little pieces of Jigsaws - worthless and meaningless on their own, sculpting itself into one complete, significant piece of invaluable meaning.

~

I am horribly sleep deprived and honestly kinda have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm just writing because somehow my subconscious, un-sleepy mind is telling me things I should take note of, and I'll wake up again to examine what the hell it is I'm going on about.

All I know for certain is that something during that party on the 19th made me dissect life and suddenly appreciate its beauty. (It's not alcohol.)

Boom! - Chapter 4 / Epilogue

2008-05-20T18:17:00.004+08:00

Sigh. It's not every exam that you start to think in the middle of it whether law is really the subject for you.

It drove me crazy how in that 3 hour paper I managed to answer 4 questions with 30 minutes to spare. This kind of thing either shows how clever you are at being able to throw everything out in that short period of time, or how much you 'lack the knowledge' to answer the questions. I love myself so I tell myself the truth. It was lack of knowledge.

At the end of the day there were some papers I knew I had to face the truth with and mentally prepare myself for having to retake them. It's especially demoralizing to know this is Year 1, the beginning and the simplest of times and I'm up for an even bigger pile of shit if I were to continue.

And then if/when I go through it all, the only wish I have is being able to pull through to "Boom! - Chapter 5" when the time comes.

~

But then this actually marks the end of something and as much as the results are lingering at the back of my head, like FH said, "wait a couple of days and you'll forget about it". And I believe I'm halfway there with events like these:

...and much, much more :P

Happy Birthday, Ashvin (18/5), Yuffie (19/5) and Fung How (20/5)! I wuv you guys! =)

Intermission - Chapter 3

2008-05-18T22:51:00.000+08:00

Can't wait!

~

What more is there to say?

Boom! - Chapter 3

2008-05-15T21:11:00.002+08:00

Unfortunately this "Boom!" exploded right in my face.

I thought it would be boring like in the first paper where I actually got bored of writing in a 2 hour paper. This was 3 hours, and the fact that I was struggling for more time to read my textbook and wasn't bored kinda reflects how badly I did.

The sad thing about it is now I'm probably serious about having freedom after the exams to study and retake the paper when the time comes. Thanks, god. You truly have loved making me eat my own words ever since I got into Law School. And sorry to the more religious folk for using his name in vain and what not.

I'm just gonna have to accept this as a loss, sleep it over, get them pesky emotions out of the way and start tomorrow afresh for Chapter 4. Sigh.

The funny thing is the next paper is my worst subject and I haven't even been through that.

In a world where Frank Sinatra is an emo kid, I'd quote him by saying "The Worst is Yet to Come".

~

PS: Monday's party HAS to be awesome, okay?

PPS: I still feel like an idiot for messing up the surprise :P

Intermission - Chapter 2

2008-05-13T11:00:00.011+08:00

My movie taste buds have been rather unresponsive.

I've watched a couple of movies in the past week that were both supposed to be THE movies, Pulp Fiction and Dead Poets Society.

I don't know if it's the build-up and the movie not actually matching my expectation, but I thought they weren't very good =(

I recognize that both movies have their talents. Great actors/actresses perfectly suited for their role, storyline keeps you at the edge of your seat, but I just didn't get that satisfaction I get when I watch a great movie. Yeah. Half of you out there are already going "WTF are you talking about?"

But seriously. I thought they both started out well with their character introductions. On one hand in Dead Poets you have Robin Williams, the teacher who's calm in every situation, seems to know what he's doing all the time and intriguingly, wishes to be called "O Captain! My Captain!" It seemed almost predictable because I had watched so many movies like these (as most of them are based of this original film) but the storyline doesn't get tangled in a cliché like most others.

On the other you have John Travolta and Samuel L Jackson's hilarious characters who are clearly thugs but go on talking about McDonalds in France and arguing about whether or not foot massages are a personal thing, up to the point where the camera halts and stops following them - an indication as though from the audience to "get on with the movie". It was entertaining in a weird sort of way. I was technically more interested in the character dialogue than the actual storyline whenever the both of them started talking. Every scene/chapter seemed to have something to get you going, too. Adrenaline pumped scenes where you actually feel the character about to get in trouble. Fantastic symbolism like how every time John Travolta's character goes into the toilet and comes out, nothing is as he expects it (symbolising how the moment you take your eyes off the world for just a second, it changes).

I recognize that. I recognize all these magnificent scripts, acting and directing but I still don't like the two movies. I've liked movies for a lot less, so I'm guessing it's the expectation I had the moment the name of the movie rolled on screen.

~

At the same time I'm wondering why all the hype and build-up of Fight Club didn't make me lose sight of what a wonderful movie it was.

Then again, I've never watched a BAD Brad Pitt movie in my life. He glorified otherwise mediocre scripts like Troy and Ocean's Twelve. He made Fight Club, Babel, Ocean's Eleven, Ocean's Thirteen and (the unfortunately unpopular and under-acknowledged) Snatch even more brilliant films than they would have been, had it been some other equally talented actor (doesn't actually exist) in his place.

I've been crazy about other actors/actresses too, like Jim Carrey, Nicole Kidman, Catherine Zeta-Jones and Renée Zellweger (3 women - to make me sound less homosexual). But they all had their bad share of 'movies that stars can't even fix'. *flashback of Golden Compass and Fun with Dick and Jane* Erk.

Anyway, it seems there's no pleasing me nowadays because I've watched several movies in the past weeks and none of them actually met my expectations. Think I should just go watch Fight Club another 837 times so I can know I'll always smile at the end of it. Unless I actually get bored of it. Then the world would crumble.

Boom! - Chapter 2

2008-05-12T17:07:00.002+08:00

I haven't been messing with this many probabilities since...poker.

Section A
Bombarded with ridiculous questions about probabilities of winning a case and percentage of fee that should be given if case is won. I'm doing law FFS. Take the math away.

Section B
5 pre-given questions. 3 questions filtered (2 left). Answer one.

Assume I prepare for 2. Probability of 2 questions that I didn't prepare for? 30% Big risk.
Assume I prepare for 3. Probability of 2 questions that I didn't prepare for? 5% Good odds!
Assume I prepare for 4. Probability of 2 questions that I didn't prepare for? 0% Even a law student can tell you that.

I ended up preparing for 3.5 (1 semi-prepared). Using the odds, it's 5% that I have to use the semi-prepared answer. The bad 5% =(

Questions ended up being the two I'm most prepared for!
Probability of 2 questions that I prepared the most for? Also 5%! The good 5%, though!

Yum. Magic number. Couldn't have asked for better questions (just like in previous paper). Am absolutely certain I did the best I could (for once). If I fail then well my best wasn't good enough :P

Foresee myself using this method of memorizing a lot in the future (remembering the first letter of every point I need to remember). Thank you, DPKDYPSD! (declaratory, Parliament, Kleinswort, Donoghue, Young, Practice Statement, StareDecisis, Denning!)

Cheers, especially to the huge number of people who answered the same question :P

Intermission - Chapter 1

2008-05-11T18:19:00.003+08:00

Ah, I really want to get back to where I last left off.

I want to update my music album collection!

I want The Office Season 4! REALLY badly.

I want Scrubs Season 7! Kinda for the sake of finishing off since I've seen Season 1 to 6 at least 3 times per episode (Can I borrow when exams are over? You know who you are, Scrubs woman :P)

I want South Park Season 12 Episodes 6 and 7! - the only two I haven't watched yet so far

I want CSI New York Season 1 and 4 to drool over Eddie Cahill and Carmine Gionivazzo!

I could use Season 19 and 20 of The Simpsons.

I want to read Fight Club!

I want more Level 70s on World of Warcraft!

Blah. The only thing keeping me sane (and distracted) from all this is Phillip DeFranco. Damn, I love that man.

Boom! - Chapter 1

2008-05-10T20:53:00.002+08:00

Today was just weird.

My writing gradually became shittier with every line. The directions of my handwriting strokes even started changing because I would lift my pen too fast then some letters don't appear as they should. It was horrible.

I'm a lot more used to having shitty writing throughout the paper.

I actually ran out of time and didn't manage to write what I planned to.

I'm a lot more used to writing everything I intend to write, think for 5 minutes about what I'm missing out, then accept the fact that I'm stupid and sit back to look around at people doing their work OR leave the exam hall early. I have never run out of time before. EVER.

I managed to at least finish everything I wanted to say but took an extremely horizontal approach. I wrote a little on everything relevant but didn't go into depth.

I'm a lot more used to being perfect on spelling and grammar but thoroughly lacking substance OR writing way too much in depth on a certain topic I'm more familiar with.

At the drop of my pen I knew I didn't do as well as I could have during the paper itself (should have rushed myself from the beginning) but there was still this satisfaction in me. Writing a lot with a horizontal approach and running out of time is a lot better than having too much time for not being able to write anything.

It's always "ahh, finally" that I get when the clock marks the end and I always know the problem lied in the preparation and not my attitude during the actual paper.

And here I am back again at where I was after finishing the assessed paper on Criminal Law. Relief. Hoping my efforts pay off. Expecting decent marks (not as good as the marks on the assessed paper of course :P). And a very bad after-effect of all this - wanting to throw all my books away and sleep forever. But that's not happening, is it? =(

~End of Chapter 1~

Something, Anything

2008-05-07T23:19:00.012+08:00

Alright so I haven't had a lot of time to do much lately aside from studying and watching CSI:NY episodes in between. To be precise, 48 episodes (Full Season 2 and 3) in 2 weeks. And I have this crazy urge to write about something non-study related. Yup, you don't have to be a forensic scientist or detective to put it together.

Good points:
1. Challenging yourself to figure out the case before the CSI team does is always fun. And extremely rewarding if you get it right.

2. Probably the most thought provoking thing to watch, as opposed to mindless entertainment and different genres. Keeps the brain moving.

3. Addictive when certain plots remain to be unfolded, e.g. recurring suspects who don't get caught, personal lives of the team, etc.

This is getting a little cliché:
1. No different from Scooby Doo, you can be sure the case only gets solved in the last 10 minutes of the show. The first 30 minutes almost always revolves around collecting evidence and interrogating the wrong person.

2. Almost every episode starts with someone dying or getting seriously injured. It gets repetitive and loses its edge.

3. Autopsies and gathering of evidence may only take up to a maximum of 5 minutes per show, but if you watch it frequently enough, it gets REALLY annoying.

Unrealism:
1. I really don't understand what it is some of the characters are looking for when they do this:

You have a finger print or a trace of hair or a cotton swab of blood, run it through the damn tests. Why look at it with a fake inquisitive face like above?!

2. When the CSI team is at a dead end, somehow, someone will know something the others' don't know. Example of such: "Past Imperfect" Season 3 Episode 21 where they keep running investigations non-stop but don't get enough to close the case, Adam (a very minor character) somehow knows of a link between the evidence and his...uncle's shop. Goddamn.

3. When they have a case, none of them sleep. Several moments throughout the series indicate this. And somehow they only get sleep deprived for 2 days because that's the longest it ever takes them to solve a case. And the characters (especially Mac) on their off-days, don't even sleep. They're always shown doing something else like going out, and then going to a crime scene on their off-day. Self-explanatory unrealism.

Best episodes:
1. Season 3 Episode 24 (Season Finale). Fantastic stuff. Manages to escape all the standard clichés, packed with action but doesn't set aside forensic science. You probably don't even have to know what's going on in the series to enjoy this.

2. Season 3 Episode 4. My favourite criminal here. Dark scenes, disgusting methods of killing people, leaves behind smart clues relating to mythology and human sins. Much like the killer in Se7en, kills for a cause and does it in the most grotesque ways possible which all symbolise something. Also he escapes the cops at the end of the episode and comes back in another episode. So cool.

3. Season 2 Episode 7. Mac meets Horatio (from CSI:Miami)! Goes to show how much better the NY series is than the Miami series.

Jim Carrey says it best when he does an impression of Horatio here, if you haven't seen it. Hilarious stuff. Also very cool murderer with more excitement than the usual CSI episodes.

Hot characters!:
1. Eddie Cahill a.k.a. Don Flack

Best feature: Eyes
Best moment: Giving Mac attitude when being asked to cooperate in an investigation to bust one of the cops on his team.

2. Carmine Giovinazzo a.k.a. Danny Messer

Best feature: I dunno..facial hair?
Best moment: The entire episode where he gets suspended off the force when he became a suspect of a murder. Fantastic acting.

3. Claire Forlani a.k.a. Peyton Driscoll

Best feature: British accent? :P
Best moment: Reacting to a corpse that came alive. That was pretty funny.

Why I'm staying for Season 4:
1. I've followed a lot of TV shows, ALL of which are comedies. This is a pretty good diversion.
2. Need more thought provoking stuff in case my brain rots from watching too much of that other garbage I normally succumb to.
3. I'll be bored as shiat during holidays.
4. I'd continue to learn how to remove traces of evidence if I (or when I) want to kill someone.
5. I'm addicted to the characters =(

~

Imagine if they came up with CSI:KL. They could probably keep it realistic and make them investigate 1 case throughout 4 seasons.

"Mat, ape macam?"
"Tah lah, Ramasamy. Minum kopi nak?"
"K."

Reminds me so much of something I read about Malaysian authors plagiarising.

Free Mouse

2008-05-07T00:03:00.004+08:00

Features are here.

You get top 5 in that scoreboard and they'll send you that.

Play the game here.

If my holidays had already started, rest assure I'd be camping at my Lachesis, shooting asteroids for every hour of every day until I get there. But blah.

Mine! All mine!

2008-04-27T21:13:00.013+08:00

My HP Pavillion dv2000.

My Razer Lachesis.

My Creative Zen with 8GB built-in memory and SD Card slot.

My 160GB External Hard Drive.

2 days ago: My 40 albums of songs.
Yesterday: My 70 albums of songs.
Today: My 120 albums of songs...and counting.

Labelled, backed-up, organized, with front covers.

~

My exam paper if I keep fooling around with these while I'm supposed to be studying.

Square 1 - Chapter 2

2008-04-24T19:38:00.002+08:00

You watch a scary movie.
You find it hard to sleep.
You progress as you forget about it.
You become immune to it.
You watch another scary movie.
Welcome back to Square 1.

You do something embarrassing.
You find it hard to sleep.
You progress as you forget about it.
You learn from your mistake.
You make another embarrassing mistake.
Welcome back to Square 1.

You fall in love, and it breaks you.
You find it hard to sleep.
You progress as you forget about it.
You don't feel that way anymore.
You fall in love again (at times, with the same person).
Welcome back to Square 1.

Happy 24/4..or something.

Square 1 - Chapter 1

2008-04-22T02:50:00.003+08:00

You keep a diary during your most crucial years of growing up as a teenager.

You grow out of a lot of phases and your mind changes about a lot of things.

You read back at those diaries, entries of 4-5 years old.

You think "Lol, retard," and laugh at yourself for a while because that's what life is like sometimes.

You recall all the mistakes you've made. The mistakes you've made countless times.

You realize you made the same mistakes not too long ago, like a few weeks ago from the current time.

You realize how ridiculous it is that humans can make the same mistakes all the time and never learn from them.

You realize you've thought about the previous sentence before the previous time you re-read your diary and you ultimately realize, "Here I am again, thinking about previous mistakes and laughing at how stupid I am".

Then a huge sign drops on your head. You fall. You wake up, and the sign reads in brightly flashing words:

Welcome back to Square 1.

I miss you.

Moods

2008-04-18T20:30:00.006+08:00

It's weird when you're so engrossed into something fun, and an hour later - when you're in a more serious mood after reading something serious, you look back at what you did and start to judge yourself.

"What was I thinking?"

It's dangerous.

~

But then you indulge in some Hold'em and life seems so perfect again :P

~

Edit: Just got back from Hold'em. My last hand (My thoughts are in inverted commas):

I'm 38 down. The last 12 is with me. 6 players. Am 4th after dealer.

10H
10S

Blinds in.
Risking a little for pre-flop raise.
Raise to 2.
6 players in.
"Fantastic chance to recoup."

Flop: 8H 8S 7H

"Highest pair. In decent position."
Checks till my call.
I raise 2.
1 fold, other 4 call.
"Shit. Confident plays. Get ready to fold."

Turn: 3C

"Good turn, still in bad position from the end of flop bets."
Checks till my call.
I check.
Person after me bets 2. All fold till my call.
"WTF?!"
"Think for a minute. He's been making bad calls. He's not an experienced player. His intentions are obvious and he didn't raise previously. 3C could not have changed his play so dramatically. If it did, all the better for me, unless there's pocket 3s. But I don't believe it based on his safe plays before. Go for it."
I'm all in.
Opponent calls.

River: 7D

"Relax, there's still a decent...*interrupted"
Opponent opens 7H.
I stand up. Pull my chair back. Sit down.
*Number of players reduces to 5*

"Bullshit."

I did all I could. I made the right decisions in raising pre-flop. I checked the second round for safety purposes. When the water was tested, and 4 left, I jumped in and took the risk based on the fact that I read my opponent's play.

I'm proud of my play. I lost because someone jumped in for the most ridiculous bet. Did I go wrong anywhere in my play? If I did, can an experienced poker player tell me where I went wrong? Or was it rightful to label this one of my worst ever Poker losses?

It's not even the amount of money that was in it. It's me. I don't gamble for money. I gamble for improving in my game, understanding probabilities and learning how to read plays. I play for pride, much like the more serious players out there.

Lasts

2008-04-18T18:25:00.005+08:00

I always bloody do this. I'm such a sap. Lasts have always meant something to me though. I remember my long-ago entry of lasts about college (last day of eating altogether as a class, last day of everyone going to Asia Club, etc.)

Ahh. Now.

Random keywords to trigger memories (somewhat chronological):

Things that happen all the time:
Breakfast every weekday.
Loser-pay pool games.
Breakfast conference, class break conference, toilet conference, lunch break conference, pool table conference, MSN conference.
Red Bull!
The many, many crushes :P
"I recognize he/she is nice but it doesn't change the fact that he/she is annoying."
JETMAN!
"Our lecturer screwed him during tutorial. Here's the story..." (mostly Contract :P)
"Let's not be gay today." *10 minutes later* *someone strokes the other's thigh*
Futsal. Getting owned at it.
Football matches.
She's damn hot conversations.
He's damn hot conversations *grin*.
Sleepover at Aizad's.
Ikan bakar.
CD shopping.
Time Crisis.
Dance Dance Revolution (for crying out loud).
Everyone in class on MSN being Away/Busy at 3 a.m. the day an assignment is due.
Birthday parties with cake. AND ALCOHOL.

Specific events:
Supposed to be a Legal Skills Presentation group of 7.
Divine intervention. I bet most of you can't remember what this was about.
Moot friggin' court.
Loser-becomes-senior-counsel-for-mooting pool games. Haha.
Loser-cannot-flirt-with-that-girl-anymore pool games. Hahaha.
I'm quitting smoking. Haha.
I'm quitting smoking again. Hahaha.
Monopoly night.
Parliament.
Across the Universe.
In a nutshell. (Basically summing up first term)
New Year's Eve at home, studying (at least for some of us).
"Guess who coupled up!" *checks Facebook*
Jetman in library.
Genting.
*sorry in advance for bringing this up* Tort extra class.
Malacca.

The more recent:
The Last Tutorials.
Sleepover at Aizad's (again).
Crime Assessed Work results (Congratulations, everyone! Thank you, Mun Onn!)
Stupidly skipping The Last Class. (Sorry, Mun Onn :P)
The Last Assignment!
Chilli's food, Tiger, Corona, and being awake for 25 hours+ (because of The Last Assignment)
The last toilet conference in Midvalley. Haha.
Toys R' Us!

But most importantly:
The simple pleasure of lunch. And friends.

~~~

Another thing I find funny is how I go to everyone I've been close to at the end of every term and tell them "Eh you know what I feel about you?" and "You know what I first thought about you?" But they return the favour so I feel good about it. Plus, they're all good stuff so there's a rainbow-ish happy aura to it! (I'm a faggot)

~~~

Either way, it's been fuckin' brilliant. Cheers, Taylor's-Reading Year 1 Cohort 1 '07.

Arguments and Debates

2008-04-14T23:54:00.004+08:00

Thank you for helping me notice.

I know what it is now. Why do I keep arguing no matter how groundless some comments are? Why is it I can think "Wow this guy is an idiot for saying this," but still, talk and try to convince that person why I feel he/she is wrong? Most importantly, as a personal question, why do I get riled up by the stupidest comments?!

Because, I've come to notice, I believe it's a chess game.

=

1. The right to dismiss - Just because a person made the most ridiculous move on the chessboard does not give me the right to say "hah you're an idiot, I don't want to waste time playing with you". This is the equivalent of "this is a pointless discussion because you're an idiot, I'm not talking about this anymore" in an argument.

2. The game is between the two people playing - If 99.99% of the world agree that there is a particular piece you should be moving but you think otherwise, it's probably better for your game if you followed what you believe, the equivalent of how what others think do not directly affect the people in the argument.

3. Don't bring your personal feelings / emotion in the game - Your emotions have nothing to do with how well your pieces are played. Neither does it have anything to do with how well you argue or debate an issue. Be especially sure to take note of this in an argument between friends.

4. Stay focused to the purpose - You have certain small goals throughout a chess game, for instance exposing your opponent's King, or forcing trades when you have an advantage over them in terms of quantity; but your ultimate purpose to win is always there. Just as you will have different purposes of arguing or debating, stay focused and never sidetrack. The ultimate purpose of arguing or debating is also always there, but it may not always be to win. Whatever it is, just relate each statement you make throughout the course of your argument/debate to this question: "Would making this statement help me achieve that purpose?"

5. The endgame - Incoming cliché - The real winner at the end of the day is one who understands and works on fixing his flaws, not the winner of the actual game. You may have played the same strategy for every chess game (equivalent of having a certain stand on something your whole life) but it is never too late to alter or change your strategies (equivalent of changing your mind regarding an issue).

~

This used to bother me ALL the damn time since like 7 years ago. I couldn't help but to argue with people eventhough (or especially when) I think they're bringing up bad arguments. I envied people (especially my brother) who were able to just dismiss silly comments. But I see being like this has its benefits too.

Seriously, thanks for helping me answer the question. There's this satisfaction in me, both for discovering it and for being able to write about it. And I really haven't written anything particularly Gemynd-ish for a really long time, until now. Ahh, welcome back, me.

Panic!

2008-04-12T15:09:00.005+08:00

I was worried as hell. Was it going to be the same? Were they the same people I knew them as?

I walked in...
"Can I listen to it?"

*puts headphones on*
"Oh, how it's been so long,
We're so sorry we've been gone,
We were busy writing songs for,
YOU!"

*thinks "for meeeeeeeeee?! ^_^"*
*thinks "that's not what I care about though. Are they still the same?"*

"...We were busy writing songs for,
You don't have to worry 'cause we're still the same,
BAND!"

I could have sworn Panic! at the Disco was talking to me.

So I bought it. (Not for that reason, I actually listened a while more before buying it.) I've not been so ECSTATIC in weeks! *silly wide smile resembling XD*

A lot of people don't get my love for Panic!. I don't get any of you not getting my love for Panic.

They have got a decent, pretty charming lead singer, Brendon Urie. Their instruments are pretty alright. What makes them so exceptional to me is their lyrics. Put simply, they are The Best. I study their lyrics like people read and appreciate poems. Yes, I'd put them on top of John Mayer in terms of lyrics, even. And newly added to the list, they made a tribute and a number of references to the Beatles in their new album. =)

All I can say about their new album is they were lying. They're different; but it doesn't change the fact that I'm still crazy about them.

Anyway. I've always wanted to write a review for any of their songs but could never decide which one I liked best. So before I leave off, here are random quotes from all their songs (from A Fever You Can't Sweat Out):

"There are no raindrops on roses and girls in white dresses.
It's sleeping with roaches and taking best guesses
At the shade of the sheets and before all the stains
And a few more of your least favorite things."
-P!atD in Build God, Then We'll Talk
(reference to 'My Favourite Things' from the musical Sound of Music)

"The strip joint veteran sits two away
Smirking between dignified sips of his dignified peach and lime daiquiri"
-P!atD in But It's Better If You Do
(reference to the movie 'Closer')

"In this little number we are graced by two displays of character,
We've got: the gunslinger extraordinaire, a walking contradiction;
And I for one can see no blood
From the hearts and the wrists you allegedly slit
And I for one wont stand for this
If the scene were a parish you'd all be condemned."
-P!atD in I Constantly Thank God for Esteban
(referring to the music genre, the 'emo scene' - put less fancily, making fun of emo kids! lol!1!!1one)

"Just for the record,
The weather today is
Slightly sarcastic with a good chance of
A. Indifference or
B. Disinterest in what the critics say"
-P!atD in London Beckoned Songs About Money Written by Machines
(referring to critics who believe Panic! is 'one of those' bands, also a reference to Chuck Pahlaniuk's book, 'Diary')

"Applause, applause, no, wait, wait
Dear studio audience, I've an announcement to make
It seems the artists these days are not who you think
So we'll pick back up on that on another page"
-P!atD in The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage
(reference to Chuck Pahlaniuk's book, 'Survivor')

"The hospice is
A relaxing weekend getaway
Where you're a cut above all the rest
Sick and sad patients
On first name basis with all the top physicians"
-P!atD in Nails For Breakfast, Tacks for Snacks
(reference to Chuck Pahlaniuk's books, 'Survivor', 'Choke' and 'Invisible Monsters'

And my all-time absolute favourite quote:

"She didn't choose this role
But she'll play it and make it sincere
So you cry, you cry
(Give me a break)
But they believe it from the tears
And the teeth right down to the blood
At her feet
Boys will be boys
Hiding in estrogen and wearing Aubergine dreams"
-P!atD in Time to Dance
(reference to Chuck Pahlaniuk's books, 'Survivor' and 'Invisible Monsters')

Your lyrics put tears to my eyes.

Fragile

2008-04-07T01:32:00.003+08:00

-Can't sleep.-

It's funny because when you just take a step back and look at things around you, you are reminded of the obvious. Goddamn, life is fragile.

~May not have known you, but as Miss World as this sounds, everybody deserves to rest in peace.~

On a somewhat related note, I thought of the Saw series after dwelling on this for a moment, and on a fine coincidence, Saw II was showing on Astro! (half the movie was bloody censored)

Then I hear this:

"Those without the will to live don't deserve to live."

Then I start to lose almost all respect for the Saw series because as idealistic and as pretty as that statement may be on paper, it's full of shit. Saw is good for gore and nothing more, especially not lessons in life.

My purpose of talking about Saw is that nobody will ever reach a point where they can tell you who deserves to live or die. So I'll continue to wince and watch the blood spill on the screen, but will no longer take that idealistic, preachy garbage they attempt to get through.

It's the equivalent of scaring people into becoming better people. And that's wrong.

I shouldn't.

2008-04-02T02:30:00.009+08:00

But I did. And will talk about it.

The poster tells a lot about the movie. It's simple, doesn't contain corny bits with them staring at each other with a 'Don't let go of my hand' (Titanic) look, and most certainly doesn't have a dramatic ending like living happily ever after (High School Musical - WHICH I DID NOT WATCH) or one dying and the other making do with life (A Walk to Remember).

Most of all, it was real. It felt like a true story that they didn't bother coating with attempts-at-artistic recordings or funny ways to tell the story to make it more meaningful. It was a simple and chronological story: Man plays music on street, meets girl, makes music, leaves town. With a little more details, I suppose.

The problem with it is I couldn't stop myself from thinking about the movie after it was done. It troubled me because I couldn't quite figure out what was so good about it. What was it that made me love these characters so much that I actually felt like a part of it? Still haven't figured it out. But the thing I do know is I absolutely love it and would recommend it to anyone who's sick of big Hollywood movies with complex plots or fantastic effects.

Note: I teared after watching this. It was really touching.

Ah, another breath of fresh air. I'm generally quite cautious when recommending musicals to guys, especially those so strictly 'masculine' that they feel less like a man for liking a musical or just block them out completely. Well I can safely say this is a more male-inclined musical and it would, in my opinion, be easier to enjoy/love if you have a penis (hermaphrodites excluded).

The fact is musicals tend to bore when you're not in the mood. I watched this right after 'Once' and felt like I needed a break from musicals but this actually kept me at the edge of my seat. And squirming around a little from the gore. It reminded me a lot of Saw 3; a theme of revenge, a..somewhat similar ending (which I refuse to spoil for anyone who hasn't watched it), and a good amount of Hollywood blood spilling, squirting and splattering all over the set. And I loved that.

*Warning: Spoiler-ish statement being made - highlight to read if you've watched it or don't mind getting your ending spoiled*

If anyone has a picture of Sweeney Todd and his blood pouring all over his wife as he's holding her, do send it to me or let me know where to get it. That has to be the most disgustingly beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life.

*Spoiler end*

Wonderful set of actors/actresses, beautiful soundtracks, grasping storyline - what more could you ask for? As reviewer Bruce Bennett (I don't know who he is, I'm just reading from rottentomatoes.com) put it:

"When was the last time you winced and became misty-eyed in the same movie?"

I was high after watching 2 spectacular movies one after another. And then I did the stupidest mistake ever, of watching my third movie of the day:

I thought about this the moment I stepped out for post-movie-evaluation-cum-cigarette-session with my buddy. It's Matrix with a its' flaws amplified, and a horrible storyline. Don't get me wrong; I love Matrix. All 3 of them were like works of art for me, to understand and appreciate. But it did have some bad acting, some corny, overacted dialogues. Unfortunately, Jumper was a full one and a half hours of bad acting and excruciatingly corny and awkward dialogues.

Sure, we've got good effects here. Some good fight scenes here and there, but just as I couldn't enjoy 300 because of it's mindless storyline, it wasn't very different for Jumper.

Also, I'd take this opportunity to say they made a bad move with the characters. Let's face it. We all love movies with a lovable character who ends up either winning (Ocean's Thirteen, etc.) or dying honourably (Matrix: Revolutions). Hayden Christensen/David was, to me, a whiny little prick who couldn't get his emotions out of the way and did the most ridiculous things, ruining the plans of a much better-acted, cooler, more lovable Jamie Bell/Griffin. And they made a bad choice portraying David as the hero.

But I suppose if you're in for simple-minded, 'wow, nice effects' fun, then go for it. But be warned; if you're someone who appreciates at least a decent storyline, you will be put off by this completely.

The only thing that can cure me from the mindfuck I've just received from this movie is listening to Once and Sweeney Todd soundtracks over and over again, which I have already obtained. Muahaha.

PS: My reviews are not meant to be witty, intelligent or informative; they just reflect how I feel about them. No attempt was made whatsoever to coat them with more fancy words or put them in nice packaging for delivery (hence the word 'penis' which so inappropriately appears in the middle of a previous statement).

PPS: Sorry for the dramatic title. It's just I know I should be doing my work instead of doing these things during a 'holiday' (study break).

Top that.

2008-04-01T05:13:00.002+08:00

If I do, then I consider myself lucky. And I don't even believe in luck. So that's something.

If I don't, then at this point I'm willing to say I'm fine with never being able to. And I'm prepared for that.

It's not my fault. Really.

One step closer...

2008-03-23T17:50:00.002+08:00

It's been a while since I've taken a good look at myself. The 16+ hours I've spent in my scout uniform the past 2 days made up for all of that "a while".

I've had a funny history in scouting. I've been in 3 different scout (sub-)organizations - Junior and Senior in 5th Petaling, Squire in H Rover Crew, and now Assistant Scoutmaster of Sri KDU. The funny thing about it is my lifeline as a scout has been at risk of dying a couple of times when I resigned from one and jumped to another.

Thinking back at it, the truth is I'd never allow myself to leave the scouting movement. All the people who've asked me in the past week since my post about camp, why I do this? Well I haven't actually had the time to stop to think about it, until yesterday when I had to 'endure' some painstakingly boring lectures on adult leadership as a scout (basically a training course for me to train others).

There are little reasons - wanting to help scouts be the best person they can, to make the world a better place (more specifically, through activities we run, as 'Miss World' as that sounds) - but most of all I've discovered is just because I wouldn't let this part of me leave.

Scouting made me who I am today. I can hardly remember what I was like before scouting because it seemed like an eternity ago, only that I didn't like him very much and I'm much more fond of the person I am today, and I have scouts to thank for it.

It's dramatic, I know. Like, what exactly has scouting done to improve my life to the extent that I'm willing to say things like that? But I really can't explain. There is no way I can convince anyone other than those who have seen it for themselves.

I'm making this post because I don't want to lose sight of my current goals. I want to at least finish Module B and be a fully-fledged Asssistant Scoutmaster. I want to bring up the scouts of 185 Petaling and I want a bright future for them. I want for them not to make the mistakes I did in giving up and 'jumping' from organization to organization just because I was having a tough time. I don't want the vision and purpose of being a scout to fade from their eyes LIKE HOW IT HAPPENED FOR SO MANY OF US IN 5TH PETALING WITHOUT US REALISING IT. And I don't want to lose sight of all this in 3 months time when it's Module B training time and I start to get lazy. I just want to remind myself how important this is to me whether or not I can see it. And if we're getting ambitious I might even do some adult leadership training in Gilwell when I'm in the UK and continue my courses there.

And there and then nothing else will make me more proud than to wear "Pen. Pemimpin" (Asst. Scoutmaster) and "185" on my uniform. Except maybe graduating with 1st Class Hons. But that's besides the point :P

-A scout.

Spring Term Post - Non-assessed

2008-03-21T01:26:00.004+08:00

Criminal Law Assessed work may be liable for the death of Gemynd. The highest charge of homicide is murder, which requires the actus reus of unlawful killing of another person under the Queen's peace, and the mens rea of intent to kill (Moloney¹) or cause grievous bodily harm (Hyam²). In discussing whether or not Criminal Law Assessed work had unlawfully killed Gemynd, there is an issue of whether or not Gemynd's death was too remote from the work done. On this point, Cheshire³ rules that the defendant's actions must have 'more than a minimal contribution' to the victim's death. It is clear that Criminal Law Assessed had induced Gemynd to smoke excessively and die, thus had made a 'more than minimal contribution' to Gemynd's death.

1 [1985] 1 AC 905
2 [1975] AC 55
3 [1991] 3 All ER 670

(yes, I didn't discuss mens rea, but I've run out of patience. It's not like I haven't done enough of this for the past 4 months)

~

Yeah, it's been driving me crazy. The whole week, all I could think about was this piece of work and how to talk about this specific issue, or how to shorten what I write because I've written too much. And it's over. I'm finally done, and it feels great. But I'm insane as a result. Also, my life expectancy has shortened by quite a bit (from excessive consumption of nicotine). I just really hope my results for this piece of work reflect the amount of effort I've put into it.

Sigh. Of relief.

Another one

2008-03-11T21:37:00.037+08:00

I don't feel like being very verbal, but I've promised myself to blog for quite some time now and have procrastinated way too much. So as opposed to by super wordy posts like the 1,500 words (1,500 words will forever remind me of Law assignments) in my post about studies, I shall now limit it. And tell the story with pictures (that are formatted to the crappiest quality so I don't have to wait forever to upload them). And words. In Bahasa Malaysia (somewhat). Because I feel like it.

Satu hali, ada kamping dengan scouter yang amat abusive dan suka curi makanan:

Scouter 1: Maklumlah, nama dia Lim Ham Star (as in hamster)

Ada juga pussy yang berambut panjang:

Scouter 2: Leong Bu Shee (as in bushy, because haven't shaved genitals for some time)(woggle censored for certain reasons)

Tapi tak teruk sangat la, ada jugak scouter berguna, sampai boleh tolong masak:

Scouter 3 (camp chief): John Rambo Lee Perumal (I forgot why Rambo. Was it because he could still abseil well? Hmm.)

Ada pulak outsiders yang datang dengan tetibanya:

Macam budak, tapi bukan.

Ada juga hamster yang bukan scout lagi tapi nak datang berkecoh:

..disrespectful, kan?

Ok la, sudah banyak cakap tapi pasal camp pun tak mention lagi. So:

Ada la, buat kerja. Macam gadjet yang sucky sekali. Dieorang ambik 3.5 jam. Saya seorang pun 1 jam boleh gua.

Hodoh kan, end product dia? Tengok tu ikatan pun dah longgar. Tak sampai 1 jam pun macam tu. Lagipun guna rafia. Kalau guna tali abaka atau jut terus hancur la...

Tapi ok juga la. Dieorang macam first timer buat ni. Tengok muka pun tau:

Ko tengok. Ada pulak masa nak camwhore.

Itu hari pertama. Ada jugak la masak dan lain-lain. Tapi malas. Tak interesting langsung gambar. Ini Day 2:

Suka sangat camwhore, dieorang. Babi betul.

Jalan 10 km pun boleh senyum macam baru mandi. Semangat la. Aku respek.

Soli. Ini Scouter 4. Tadi takder gambar bagus. Dia: Lumberjack Cheng. Cheng's Taxicabs. Towtruck Cheng. Aristotle Cheng. Seabiscuit Cheng. Bristleback Cheng. Banyak nama la, malas nak cakap semua. Bottom line, dia kurang pandai.

Dalam 10km tu banyak kerja. Lagipun exciting giler. Ada haiwan liar:

Monyets. 'Nuff said.

Okay la. Aku dah bosan. You pun dah bosan kan? I buat satu cerita satu gambar. Habis jalan-jalan tu, ada aktiviti lain:

Macam bunuh orang dengan kapak.

Takder la. Potong buluh. (On a more interesting note, 10 seconds after I took this picture, the axe flew out of its rubber handle and headed towards me, and struck my leg. The blunt part. Something out there still wants me alive. Seriously...)

Ajar macam mana nak guna pun untuk aper? Akhirnya pun scouter yang buat kerja:

Ini pasal la kita panggil dia Lumberjack Cheng. Sudah berapa tahun tak pegang kapak, tapi bila pegang:

Macam Tuhan (Godlike).

Ini satu lagi la. Fireman Cheng. Tapi buat api, bukan padamkan api. Baik sangat, nak tolong orang mulakan api:

So bila dah mula api, kita pun:

Camwhore la. Apa lagi?

Tapi memang worth it la. Api memang bes. Tengok la (I suggest enlarging some of these so you can appreciate the full beauty of the flames :P):

Itu semua dalam satu hari. Rasa macam nak mampus. Tengok betul-betul:

(He wasn't actually sleeping. Poser sial.)

Tee hee.

Tapi tak bermakna tak boleh camwhore. Hee. (I think I look alright in this picture. Damn I'm vain.)

FH: Beb, you look hot.
Dian: Diam la. Upacara ni.
CE: Ya la. Look serious a bit can or not?

Semua ada muka "I'm gonna miss camp". Or muka "hoi, panas giler babi."

Me: You nak balik rumah. Saya pun nak balik. Jom.
Dian: "Troop, dismissed."

The End.

~~~

I don't normally do stuff like this (as in blog about it) but I seriously feel that something was missing this camp. It seriously seemed more like a "story to tell" rather than a "feeling to describe" like in previous camps.

Maybe it was because I came in and out of this camp rather than staying all the nights. Maybe it was because I didn't put in as much effort as I did previously. Maybe it's because things didn't go as well as they were supposed to.

I'm fine with those, but PLEASE DON'T let it be that I've lost passion in doing this. This is one of the few things I had passion in and I absolutely loved being a part of these camps because I feel like I'm making a difference, helping shape a better future for them and all. I hope I can involve myself more in their activities and continue to do this and regain that flame. Sigh.

Regardless, thank you for everyone who contributed to the camp anyway. And as always, thank you Ms.L for giving us the opportunity to participate. You rock =)

Fewd!

2008-03-09T19:24:00.006+08:00

After 3 days of crappy camp food and years of getting used to crappy Subang food, you get zapped back into reality when a slice of succulent Wagyu beef at Yuzu greets your tongue and you suddenly remember, "hey, food is capable of tasting good!"

Then you realize your saliva is still flowing from the incessant drooling for the past day or so and you indulge in staring at pictures on TasteSpotting.

and many, many more......

~

This is just an advertisement for Yuzu in Gardens, Midvalley (which I highly recommend if you've got a couple hundred bucks to spare) and TasteSpotting (which is a great way to kill time and procrastinate when you've got Contract Law assignments due and what not).

=(

The only thing more boring than classes

2008-03-05T16:39:00.011+08:00

...is talking about them. Which is precisely what I'll be doing. Kidding about the post title part, by the way. But this IS going to be boring. And long.

I don't know, maybe I'm getting the jiwang moments where I start thinking about what I'll miss when I leave. The same moments I get when it's nearing the end of something. Not too healthy that I have time to think about all of this with finals in 2 months and all. Nonetheless...!

Criminal Law

The most interesting in terms of subject matter. Put simply, I'd much rather read about a man making his wife have sex with a dog (true case in Criminal Law) than to read about contract negotiations that run for tens of pages between two parties (true in many Contract Law cases as well).

Lectures are actually something to look forward to. It's the only class where I get to see random slides and clips of movies (including ones with Brad Pitt *blush*) that have actual relevance to what we study. Keeping awake for lectures is easy, which is why it's fine that for a long period of time we didn't get breaks within the 1.5 hours of each lecture.

Tutorials are like the oil that makes everything smooth and keeps our minds from rusting (corny analogy? Yeah, I thought so too). Basically the pre-tutorial feeling is always 'blah, I dunno, the questions are hard', and like 'we haven't done this in some time so I don't remember shit about it' etc. The post-tutorial feeling is always 'ahh, that made it seem so easy'.

And credit goes to the lecturer for making tutorials and lectures the way they are. I'm proud to have learnt under him and really wish I could thank him properly for all the work he's put into our lessons and what not. Also a higher level of respect for a lecturer who would join us for just a lunch or a game or two of futsal. Believe me, it means a lot to all of us.

Criminal Law in one picture?

...because it puts a smile that wide upon my face when I think about lectures and (gay as it may sound,) lecturer.

Contract Law

Probably the most repetitive subject. Not that we can blame the authors of our module or anything anyway, because it IS private law and it's a must that it deals with cases like the ones we study.

It's funny that pre-lecture feeling for me is always 'sigh, this is going to be boring', but post-lecture is always 'hey that wasn't too bad', and I'm always more awake after the lecture is done with (the complete opposite of what most lectures are like).

I'd have to say tutorials are the best. I always get that funny feeling in my stomach like I could have prepared more before tutorials, but after it's over, I feel a calm, enlightened feeling, if you will. I come out of every tutorial with this strange sense of confidence and (although slightly irrelevant,) a funny story to tell my friends who are not in the same tutorial group. I don't know if it's a coincidence but there's always something interesting that goes on in Contract tutorials. I'm sure my tutorial mates would agree.

I admire the lecturer. She seems to be a lot I aspire to be. Straightforward, cuts the crap, strict and serious when it is necessary and easy-going otherwise, and seems to be able to attach and detach herself when she feels like it. The latter part refers to how she can teach and help those who seem capable of receiving help but not giving a solitary speck of shit (heh triple S) for those who don't want to help themselves. Also a funny thing is that we don't see her a lot outside of class, so it's like every time she makes a joke or a statement with a wee bit of malice, it's hilarious as hell. I'd give examples but that wouldn't be very nice to the people she's referred to in the past.

Contract Law in one picture?

...it's a picture of a 'funny arrow'. An arrow because of how straight and 'right-to-the-point' our lecturer is, but funny because of how I'm reminded of...well, funny things about lectures and tutorials.

General Principles of Law

There is nothing more capable of being boring as hell in this world. Subject matter is extremely dry. The only things I seem to recall from studying in SAM are here. And SAM Legal Studies was boring. So there we have it.

Lectures are hard to keep awake in. You get a whiff of interesting statements every once in a while but they're barely sufficient to keep you mildly interested in the subject. Doesn't help that both lectures in the week are 8 - 9.30 a.m. Argh. They can be pretty informative though, with videos and what not from time to time.

Tutorials are like those awful things that remind us of how little we know about GPL. The funny thing is I do actually feel like I've learnt a lot after tutorials. Not the actual purpose of a tutorial but yeah, it works.

The lecturer is a great guy. Extremely humble, funny (albeit slightly lame :P) and oh-so-patient with our crap. Perhaps could work on making lectures a bit more interesting but I understand that's not part of a lecturer's duty. Will always remember him for asking me something along the lines of "Hypotethically, if I smoke, would it be so bad? What's wrong with enjoying life?" during my presentation about smoking. Hehe.

General Principles of Law in one picture?

...I don't know why?! I read these sort of books when I was really little and when I thought about him I remembered this book. *shrug* The only resemblence I see is that he's always smiling. What do the rest think? Does it remind you if him? :P

Tort Law

Subject is probably one of the most interesting. 'Nuff said?

Where do I even begin with lectures? It's odd because they used to be tolerable at one point, and then it came crashing down. Something changed between the terms and the presentation style and lectures just went downhill from there. I dread being there now. It's a good thing they're over, but I'm really afraid of the effects that our previous few lectures will have on our exams.

Completely redefines tutorials. If you think you're gonna go in there and share your opinions, think again. I will never forget the first tutorial that took almost DOUBLE the time of a normal tutorial (i.e. 2hrs 40 mins instead of 1hr 30 mins). We're the supporting actors and actresses in a tutorial. We throw in a couple of sentences, then the star comes in. Imagine my brain and a whole lot of words scrolling through it while I look for the right words to say. Then imagine the words coming to a stop, and the words, "BACKSEAT DRIVER" flashing ever so brightly.

I guess there's no point in hiding that there's been a lot of talk about the lecturer. I know it's harsh but she reminds me of the annoying leader in a group. All the followers seem to bond and unite whenever they complain about the leader. So, yeah. A classmate of mine once told me he liked having her around because it kept things interesting. I guess it's true. In a horrible way. Sigh, anyway, getting to the point. Good intentions, cares a lot about students, very thorough and detailed. Maybe a little too much. But all in all...nevermind. I can't bear to comment. Just refer to the lectures and tutorials bit and you'll get a rough idea.

Tort Law in one picture?

...cloudy, messy and unorganized, the stormcloud that waits over my bright and cheerful day :P

~~~

At the end of the day it's just so cool that our lecturers are such different people. Really, keeps it interesting. I'm sure going to miss all this when it's over, bitter or sweet.

Whether or not they're gonna read this, I'd like to thank them all for what they've done because at the very least there's one thing in common between them, that is passion and caring for what they actually do.

So far...

2008-02-28T06:28:00.002+08:00

Upon sipping on my Red Bull today (first one in 2 months, thank you very much) during Contract class, I came to an epiphany.

We were running through cases with principles that were derived from the facts of the case (much like any other day). If something similar to this case were to happen in the future, this rule would apply. If something like some other case happens, the exception applies.

It got me thinking. The law keeps developing and we keep getting new laws and new interpretations of law. When will it end? When can we finally say "yes, this is established law, no exceptions"?

Then came Criminal class. I realized how systematic the law is on theft, robbery and burglary. It was crystal clear, each and every freakin' element examined down to the smallest detail.

And it made me proud to be studying it.

This is the kind of thorough, detailed crap I'm more than willing to learn. I finally realized how established the law is because of how many years of experience the UK has gone through. From Sir Edward Coke's 411 year old definition of murder, to the more recent, superbly-detailed 5-element statute definition of theft; I am proud to be a part of it.

Not a part of it as in hoping to start writing my own laws one day, but just proud knowing that I am privileged enough to come to classes and be educated on them. It's like never picking up a guitar but knowing how to appreciate the sound it makes when others are in control of it.

I'm actually happy studying what I'm studying.

Malaysian Politics!

2008-02-24T22:23:00.001+08:00

I would never have the depth to blog about such a topic.

So I'll just link you to this:

ComedyCourt

and say nothing more. Check out their other videos too, anyway.

Sensitive issues. Heh.

PS: Don't be lazy, it's hilarious stuff. Don't miss out :P

Of Cards and Chinese New Year

2008-02-17T21:06:00.005+08:00

I was planning to make a super-serious post about Chinese and their identity for this year but in the midst of it, I realized something.

If playing card decks had 'crabs', aside from the normal 2, 3, 4, J, Q, K, etc., we (who speak Cantonese) would shout, upon revealing the cards:

"Ma Hai" (Yes, I took the time to edit the pictures)

Ma as in pair (or in another meaning, mother, or in this context, mother's).

Hai as in crab (or in another meaning, vagina).

Whoa.

Yeah. Far cry from a serious post.

PS: I've been winning way too much from gambling and it's not like I can do anything about it. When I have to go off early I try my best to stay as long as I can and throw some money back in. I make ridiculous bets in dumb games like 'in-between' and Black Jack. I still win.

This can only mean one thing. I'm using all your money to contribute to the artists I listen to. CD shopping time!

The Horn Theory

2008-02-04T22:12:00.000+08:00

I drift off with my thoughts easily. That's why I'm directionless on the road, and in the first place, it's how I could come up with the horn theory.

*pauses for golfclaps and awkward laughter*

1. Someone puts their signal up and wants to turn into your lane. You're clearly going too fast. You sound your horn to warn him/her (normally her :P).

2. Someone puts their signal up and turns into your lane. You're forced to hit the brakes a little to let them go. You sound the horn later on to say "You're a retard".

Same actions, different intentions.

1 as a genuine gesture in hopes that nothing bad will happen. 2 as a spiteful gesture to let the other know he/she is an ass for what they just did.

It wasn't until very recently I noticed how much good could come from such a simple analogy. Think about how we're confronted with these choices everyday.

In a game, do you tell your teammate what they're doing wrong, or do you just tell them they suck?

In a relationship, do you tell your other half why they annoy you, or do you just tell them they make you want to shoot yourself?

The next time you come across a situation alike, please try to take a couple of seconds off to think about this and put yourself in that position.

~~~

Slightly offtopic, but this reminds me of a case I studied recently under self-defence (criminal law). R v Clegg [1995] 1 AC 482.

A car was coming at Clegg who had a loaded gun. He shot at the passengers of the car and it avoided him and ended up crashing behind him. Evidence showed that 3 bullets were shot when the car was coming (from the front) and 1 was shot when the car was already behind him.

Clegg's plea of self-defence did not stand, and he was still charged for murder because of the 1 shot he made not out of self-defence.

I'm convinced that if the law is willing to put it that way, then the horn theory should apply too.

PS: Yes, I blog about cases. I'm a nerd =(

PPS: If the facts of the case are incorrect, I don't care.

Perfect on Paper

2008-01-28T23:58:00.000+08:00

What the hell do I keep getting myself into? Sigh.

~~~

PS: *pause for dramatic effect* Wah. Mysterious post.

What have I done? =(

2008-01-26T14:52:00.000+08:00

So I bought something cool today. 4000 dpi. Can turn a CS first-timer into a wall-hacking sniper.

Quite exciting. That's a lot of stuff that comes with a mouse. Hee hee, I even get stickers. (Picture reversed, so it's kinda ugly)

Is your mouse USB gold-plated? Does it even have to be? No, not really. But you have to admit it's cool.

Self-explanatory sexiness.

Refer to above picture's caption.

Are you jealous? Thinking of getting one?

Think again =(

PS: Thanks, Dad!

PPS: I've obviously done nothing productive with my mouse so far. Exhibit A (click to enlarge):

Urgh.

2008-01-24T16:35:00.000+08:00

For the benefit of those who attended extra class today, I'm sure you can relate.

After one whole hour of keeping us in a class, repeating to us what we already know for the 28947293th time, and saying "I don't want you to feel like I'm breathing down your neck," is like slapping us in the face and saying "You're a retard. But no offence."

You make me miss my punching bag. Fuck.

Plans - Executed

2008-01-22T17:18:00.000+08:00

So I couldn't handle the anticipation and skipped ahead.

Here is the beginning of my album collection. It's arranged alphabetically!!!!

I've just never been so happy shopping for anything else, ever. I've contributed to these artists. It just feels great.

Plans

2008-01-21T23:51:00.000+08:00

I'm taking all my Chinese New Year money, hitting a CD store and buying loads and loads of original music CDs.

I'm tired of stealing. It's not right that people who make my life so great with their music don't get their rewards for it (from me, anyway). Also, I could use better quality. MP3s do not do justice!

Anyone willing to join me? =)

Think about it! For all the RM5 games, RM8 movies, and absolutely free songs you've been getting. It's time to repay!

Song Evaluations

2008-01-09T06:56:00.000+08:00

Seeing as I have so much time on my hands, I've decided to start a new blog for song evaluations rather than have random posts being scattered on my current blog for it.

Here it is - lame name, I know.

~~~

Irrelevant to the topic - The Crave

Referring to my previous post, I guessed correctly. I submitted to the crave.

Gemynd - Free and Healing for One Month, Fourteen Days, 18 Hours and 19 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 2 Days and 5 Hours, by avoiding the use of 641 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me RM270.51. It stops there.

I'm just at a stage in my life where I feel I should be doing what makes me feel good, but in moderation. Words of a loser? Yes, indeed.

I'm not going to lie to myself. The 45 days of abstinence do not prove I am capable of quitting completely when the time comes for me to do so. But I understand the addiction a lot more now and this experience will truly help me when I need it the most.

I need to learn that this is my battle to fight and it has nothing to do with the people around me. The next time I attempt to quit, I'm not involving anyone else in it just so I don't fuck with their expectations. Bleh.

Great experience anyway, to be free from withdrawal symptoms for once. 45 is the first on my highscore, followed by a distant 24.

Doesn't change the fact that I'm back to Square 1 now. Sigh.

Thoughts =! Feelings - Chapter 2

2008-01-08T15:57:00.000+08:00

We all know about how it can screw us up because of the truth in the statement.

Most commonly, you rebel against your parents for something because you feel you're right. You start to regret it later because you put some thought into it and realize you're being unreasonable. It happens all the time.

But can we actually help ourselves in the realization of this truth?

I've theorized, that it is in fact possible for you, in understanding the truth of this statement, be able to benefit from this distinction.

The theory revolves around using your thoughts to shield your feelings. I believe that one of the most common downfalls of man is that they react too much upon feelings.

Don't we all as humans just love to read into things quickly and dive into conclusions? I'll use the example of having a crush on someone. Haven't we all tried to read into the actions and words of the 'infatuatee'? Isn't it so common that we read too much into things and misconstrue a friendly gesture to be something more than it actually was? It's a terrible feeling, to be let down. Do you agree that maybe your thoughts can shield you from it?

It may perhaps be possible for us to, instead of using your feelings, reading into things and making assumptions, use our thoughts to analyze it in a more objective manner?

Instead of getting your hopes up on a crush's words of "I miss you", for example, which could in actual fact mean "I miss you as a friend and nothing more", would it be possible to use that brain of yours and tell yourself, "Don't get your hopes up. Realistically, he/she just means he/she misses me as a friend."?

That's the theory anyway, and my personal answer to that question is yes. It could apply for a lot more useful things in life besides a crush anyway.

Think about it. It's actually being able to shield your feelings (the retarded heart) with your thoughts (the retarded blue barrier) from disappointments, hurt, anger, etc. (the retarded squiggly lines).

What do you think? Believe in it?

~~~

Irrelevant to the Topic 1 - The Pet

Who would have known I'd be fine with a guinea pig peeing on my shirt? It was annoying, but I really didn't mind that much. Damn, I'm starting to love Jim Cunningham so much. (As much as you'd like to believe, it's not a boyfriend, it's a guinea pig.)

Who wouldn't, right?!

~~~

Irrelevant to the Topic 2 - Uni Life

I hate that my breakfast takes 20 minutes to arrive after ordering it. I hate that I HAVE to come early or I won't have a good parking spot. I hate that it takes me 10-15 minutes to get out of the uni area and onto the highway. I dislike that the sun has been rising later nowadays than in November, because I can't appreciate the mornings that much when it's too dark. I find it weird that it only rains in SJ nowadays but when I'm through the highway, it's sunny and clear.

A lot of minor details have changed for the Spring term (not like there's spring in Malaysia) and it sucks when it's all combined.

~~~

Irrelevant to the Topic 3 - The Crave

I had an exceptional craving for smoking today. It felt like the one I had 3 days before I failed the previous attempt for quitting. Am I going to start again in 3 days? Maybe less? I don't know. I actually feel I might be by the end of this week. Bleh.

For now,

||||
||||
||||
||||
||||
||||
||||
||||
|||| (Forty-five)

PS: Sorry for the long post. I obviously have some time on my hands. I don't have tutorials tomorrow. Haha.

Edit: "The Crave" is concluded here. I've failed yet again. The counter stops here.

Thoughts =! Feelings - Chapter 1

2008-01-04T02:38:00.000+08:00

The fine line between thoughts and feelings seems to disappear when I lose my focus.

I thought I was in control. My secret is to sleep my feelings over before I make a decision. It's because I want to make my decision as rationally as I can, so I do away with feelings completely. I don't believe in feelings.

After a while, that fine line just faded from my sight, until I talked to someone about...Jetman, today (screw what the conversation was about - irrelevant).

I'm an opinionated person and I've just noticed how much I like to say "I think..." when it's really "I feel..."

It was when I questioned myself down to the core that I noticed something. As much as I am for defending homosexuals against discrimination, I actually feel it's slightly icky.

I can't control how I feel and I have to admit I'm at least slightly homophobic (although I may not show it :P). So if you really asked me how I felt about them (now that I am aware of what I really feel), I would tell you, I'm slightly disgusted by them. But if you asked me what I think, then I'd tell you everything I know about why homosexuals should be treated as equals, rationally.

"The longest journey you will ever take is the 18 inches from your head to your heart."
-Andrew Bennett

Was true for me a day before, is still true for me today.

PS: Conversations about Jetman and Pacman --> Thoughts and Feelings??!?!?!?!

The New Year

2008-01-01T02:15:00.000+08:00

It's not like I even throw out my calendar or do anything close to significant when the clock strikes twelve. Strangely though, the moment it happens, I feel almost obliged to reflect back on the year.

It's gay.

It's absolutely odd because it has come to a time where I'm actually bored of listening to myself, or reading what I type for that matter. I just deleted about 3 paragraphs of talking about what I did briefly through the year because I'm ACTUALLY tired of talking about myself. What a great year this must be.

Well anyway, I will say this. I'm already starting to think about how there's no turning back and how I'll never be able to relive these carefree times again (especially the 10 months I spent slacking in 2007).

I feel old.

Hello 2008, be a gentle lover. Don't fuck us all too hard. (Who says I'm pessimistic?)

PS: Here are some random pictures of 2006/2007's celebration, since I didn't go out for 2007/2008. Fuck, I do a good job at making myself feel better.

Hee hee, so cute.

Like some album cover. (What the fuck is VY doing up there?)

Who could forget? "It's not that I'm drunk, the pillow that hit my head really made me KO". Hahahaha. We still believe you, man.

We need to do something about how gay we are. It's getting a bit much.

PPS: Damn that worked, the 2 nights in Genting in 2007 really makes up for me doing nothing in 2008.

Hometown

2007-12-26T02:30:00.000+08:00

I never fucking want to sleep anymore when I'm here.

It's been a while but nothing's changed. Every time I'm here I feel I want to absorb all that I can get from being here. It's impossible for me to sleep at night because of how much I keep thinking about all the times I've had here.

It's been a while but nothing's changed. I always arrive smiling as I count the amount of time I have here before I leave. It always feels like there's a boulder on my chest just before I leave. It always feels like I've left something behind the moment I leave.

This will somehow always be the place I remember growing up in, although it wasn't. It was always my favourite place to be though, when I was younger, which is probably why I feel like a kid again everytime I'm here.

It didn't feel like Christmas this year because we didn't have our usual awesome, homecooked, full-of-people-sitting-around-the-table Christmas dinner. It was more than just dinner though, just the feeling of being around each other as a big happy family.

The Before (2004 Christmas) - Do click to enlarge, tiny pic does not do justice.

The After - Click to enlarge too =)

It doesn't however change the fact that I already miss this place so much (even when I'm still here). Funny, considering the only thing I've done here this trip was probably eat like twice as much, play a lot of DotA (like 25 games, 100% of which we won, btw) and like just talked and caught up with each others' lives.

This is so typical, like how it was several previous times I was here, typing away to a journal of some sort to talk about how much I love being here at some odd hour while everyone's sound asleep. It's odd, but I wouldn't have it any other way if I had the choice. I never want to forget what it's like to have feelings like these, so pure.

Who would have known I could feel this way about a place?

'Tis the season!

2007-12-18T06:37:00.000+08:00

to get raped.

It's been happening too much in the past few weeks.

Oh come on, it can't be a coincidence. Guys everywhere are getting raped by girls with commitment issues, possessive issues or just outright bitch issues.

Don't worry, I'm not here to judge.

I sincerely wish the best for all the people around me who seem to be going through the same thing. Whether it's getting over or working harder, rest assure I'll be here to continue listening, and to dish out the occasional word of advice.

A moment for our fallen comrades.

*whip*!

In a nutshell

2007-12-08T21:25:00.000+08:00

It's seriously been great since my uni term started.

It's been 2 short months but I appreciate the hell out of what we've been through. I appreciate the simple things that happen on a daily basis like breakfast (important part of our lives!), pool, online conferences and even if it's something nerdy like tutorial and moot discussions, or even class! It's especially been a fantastic couple of weeks, with the movies, clubbing, futsal, random monopoly night etc.

I had the choice of picking between this year's January or October intake and when I decided to choose October, I knew I would have inevitably said "I wouldn't have it any other way" at the end of the day, in reference to how my life turned out as a result of joining in October as opposed to January.

I just didn't know I'd mean it so bloody much.

There's absolutely no reason for me to feel this way because of how much we're still gonna see each other during the holidays and it's only been such a short time, but I still do.

Tonight was the perfect way to sum up the couple of months, with a nice long talk about everything that's happened. Was also pretty awesome to have our lecturer join us :P You're awesome!

I've been feeling way too happy way too much recently but I don't question it because nothing in my life has made sense in the past few days anyway. I'm laughing a lot more. I take deep breaths in the morning and talk about how beautiful they are. I give way to people on roads just because it's nice to be nice. I'm ~~never~~ hardly even tempted by cigarettes anymore because of how happy I am.

I'm like Santa on LSD, and I have all the people around me to thank.

Much love (non-sarcastically),
Gemynd.

Across the Universe

2007-12-05T15:22:00.000+08:00

"Is there anybody going to listen to my story, all about a girl who came to stay?", it opened.

There wasn't an absolute charm of this movie that made me fall in love with it right at the beginning. It started off slightly corny and I thought it would have needed a much more solid storyline to get me hooked.

As it progressed, though, it all pieced together so well and you start to fall in love with the characters. When the "Strawberry Fields Forever" scene played I was absolutely captivated by its beauty. Goddamn, that is B-R-I-L-L-I-A-N-C-E.

Jim Sturgess was phenomenal. He was so natural, had the most amazing voice and reminded me so much of Ewan McGregor in Moulin Rouge. He's the kind of guy I'd go "hell yeah" for when I know he's about to sing.

This movie contained every aspect of a musical I would have imagined. Most musicals are just 'the serious kind' or 'the whimsical kind' or 'the corny love story kind' but this just struck a beautiful balance of all of it.

Overall I'd say I'm slightly biased because I'm absolutely in love with the Beatles. It's not every musical you can sing along to the first time you watch, all 33 songs, all 2 hours and 11 minutes :P

The RM7 I spent really made my day. Grateful also that I had friends to appreciate it with, and of course a friend to blatantly say "He (Jim Sturgess) is so cute!" to :P Also strangely grateful that so few Malaysians know how to appreciate it. The cinema was practically empty!

He's not THAT great looking but when you fall in love with his character after watching the movie, you'll know what I mean. Mmm, what dreamy eyes :P

My final sweeping statement is: If you're a Beatles fan, watch it or hang yourself. If you're not a Beatles fan but you like musicals, you'd be entertained by it. If you're not a musical fan, stay away.

PS: If you're a Beatles fan and going to watch, call me, I wanna watch it again :P

PPS: I feel like a jolly Christmas elf on LSD. Wheeeee!

PPPS: Guess what! (Note the date on the tickets. Click to enlarge.)

JM, we're fucking happening weh :P

The cinema is an awesome place to be when a group of 4 friends constitutes 67% of the audience.

Music - Once and For All

2007-12-03T06:33:00.000+08:00

Been very, very passionate about music lately as find that a lot of people around me have good taste. Glad for that btw. Talking about music critically is about one of the best conversation pieces.

I'm just gonna make a random general post about music I like, and hope some of you actually try this music out and not close off to it. The worst thing you can do is deprive yourself of good music. I don't care if you like Britney Spears, as long as the music makes you feel alive, you should never be embarrassed about it (though I personally hate her). In fact I like The Click Five and I'm not afraid to admit it! But don't tell anyone =(

Note: I'm not much of a mainstream listener so you might not know some of the artists here. Please, try them out anyway. Don't shield yourself from good music just because it's undiscovered!

Here's how it works. If you find an artist listed you know and like, I recommend all other music in the same class. Classes might not make sense to you but the artists remind me of each other, so to hell with you.

Note: I don't bother doing stupid stuff like Backstreet Boys and Blue being in the same class. Also not bothering with the more more in-the-scene artists like Justin Timberlake and Timbaland because I'm guessing we know them well enough.

Number beside it is scale from 1-5 of how good the artist is to me. This means everything is evaluated, not just a single song.

Class A - Alternative-ish
1. Taking Back Sunday (4.98)
2. Boys Like Girls (4.8)
3. All-American Rejects (4.6)
4. Muse (4.5)
5. Death Cab for Cutie (4.4)
6. Saosin (4.4)
7. 30 Seconds to Mars (4.2) - Jared Leto's hot, extra points :P
8. Silver Chair (3.9)
9. Yellowcard (3.9)
10. The Killers (0.5) - I actually hate them, but you might like them. In same Class anyway.

Class B - High in Power-ish
1. The Beatles (1000)
2. Queen (4.6)
3. Mika (4.5)
4. Michael Buble (4.3)
5. Maroon 5 (4.2)
6. Artic Monkeys (4)

Class C - Subliminal-ish
1. Azure Ray (4.5)
2. Feist (4.3)
3. Lilly Allen (4.0)

Class D - Panic-at-the-Disco-ish
1. Panic! at the Disco (4.75) - I honestly can't put anything else in the same category. They're unique.

Class E - Easy going with much focus on vocals-ish
1. James Morrison (4.85)
2. Secondhand Serenade (4.8)
3. Keane (4.8)
4. John Mayer (4.7)
5. Travis (4.6)
6. Jamie Cullum (4.5)
7. Coldplay (4.5)
8. Jamie Scott (4.1)
9. Jason Mraz (4)
10. Teddy Geiger (4)

-Don't know if it's a coincidence but what's with the 3 JMs in the same class?

Class F - Strong woman-ish
1. Whitney Houston (4.4)
2. Mariah Carey (4.2)
3. Martina McBride (4.2)
4. The Corrs (4)
5. Jewel (4)
6. LeAnn Rimes (3.9)
7. Kelly Clarkson (3.8)

Class G - Sentimental-ish
1. The Beatles (1000) - Yes, again.
1. Eric Clapton (4.9)
2. Air Supply (4.9)
3. Frank Sinatra (4.9)
4. Bee Gees (4.9)
5. Bryan Adams (4.9)
6. Stevie Wonder (4.8)
7. Michael Buble (4.7) - Again!
8. Don McLean (4.6)

Class H - Contemporary rock-ish
1. Matchbox Twenty (4.5)
2. Nickelback (4.4)
3. Daughtry (4.4)
4. Goo Goo Dolls (4.4)
5. Oasis (4.4)
6. Switchfoot (4.4)
7. Dashboard Confessional (4.4)
8. Red Hot Chilli Peppers (4.4)
9. Foo Fighters (4.4)
10. 3 Doors Down (4.3)
11. Paramore (4.15)
12. Blink 182 (4.1)
13. Creed (4)

Class I - Classical-ish
1. I feel I'm not in a position to classify classical music, but let me take the opportunity to say it's awesome. Love Johann Sebastian Bach btw =)

Class J - Instrumental-ish
1. James Horner (4.9)
2. John Williams (4.7)

Class Z - For the people too lazy to try out whole albums, here are in my opinion, the best songs ever
1. The All-American Rejects - Straitjacket Feeling (5)
2. Taking Back Sunday - Make Damn Sure (5)
3. Augustana - Boston (5)
4. The Beatles - Here, There and Everywhere (5)
5. Boys Like Girls - Thunder (5)
6. Dashboard Confessional - Stolen (4.95)
7. Howie Day - Collide (4.9)
8. 30 Seconds to Mars - The Kill (4.8)
9. Marty Casey - Trees (4.8)
10. Keane - Somewhere Only We Know (4.8)
10. Keane - A Bad Dream (4.8)
10. Keane - Everybody's Changing (4.8) - I refuse to decide which is better :P

...
It's a long list but I do love music.

If you think I'm missing something, let me know. If you think I should be listening to something I don't already, let me know. Good music is fun to share, spread the love!

Teenager-ish moment:

*************************I LOVE MUSIC ^_^************************

Emotions are fickle - Chapter 2

2007-12-02T20:53:00.000+08:00

I'm not the kind who likes to make assumptions about my own life based on how I'm feeling. I always prefer to take the rational style by sleeping it over and getting my emotions out of the way before I make judgment. I use my brains a lot more than I use my 'heart'. I'm a realist.

Now that I'm done with the corny introduction, let's talk.

I've been feeling a lot more like a grown-up lately in the sense that I can talk to friends very rationally about anything at all. The past few days I've been talking to good friends about very serious issues like homosexuality, principles in relationships, politics etc. Mind you it's not those "ew gays are disgusting" kinda topics, it's serious evaluating and scrutiny of the subject.

I have absolutely no idea what this has to do with the current post title, but it does. Through all the settling of the dust of these discussions I feel strangely independent and confident.

I have a feeling I'll do well (as in doing what I wanted to do in Chapter 1). I just don't see myself being that person who pursues like that.

PS: Fantastic weekend, thanks for all the people who contributed to it (V, JH, FH, JM, Zad, etc.) And I'm still sorry, Jen =(

PPS: Cool people all have names under 3 letters. Nothing against you, Dian =P

PPPS: My new hair is quite cool la.

Emotions are fickle - Chapter 1

2007-11-26T19:45:00.000+08:00

If that was really so true, wouldn't I be able to starve them by not indulging in them, then let them die off?

Let's give it a shot.

We all know how it's possible to suppress your craving for something and how it'll fade away eventually. Would it work the same way when you're dealing with feelings towards others?

The way I see it, the most realistic way out of my situation is to pull out of it by forgetting about it. I sort of already mentioned I wouldn't act on it either way. Never tried it before. What's it like?

I'm sick of myself being so obsessive about it. Think I should bail? Tell me what you think. Most of you know what I'm talking about anyway.

Smoking - Post-Epilogue

2007-11-24T21:11:00.000+08:00

(Wtf is post-epilogue?)

Last cigar with dad now, and I'm going to try again.

I can understand if you won't support me because you're disappointed from the previous attempt, but I'm trying anyway.

Not going to make goals or expectations this time. Will just see how long I can take it.

PS: Not gonna bother with a 'Journey - Chapter 2' post. Will just record number of days successful here.

Mooting - Chapter 3/Epilogue

2007-11-23T19:05:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling very straightforward today. Once again don't know if it's the lack of sleep or the fact that I was being very, very frank with the judges today. Haha.

We lost. It was fun.

Tadaa! The graceful losers :P

The fact that we did not have external judges in our last moot really just made us so unprepared for how the moot was going to turn out today. It was pretty hilarious, a lot of 'you had to be there' jokes so I'm not gonna bother explaining. Definitely not the tensed, serious atmosphere I'd imagined before.

The judges even mentioned at the end of the day we were 'too prepared'. Not in the sense that we had done so much work, but in the sense that we had come with our own superbly structured map of what we wanted to say, that when there were questions posed, we were kinda all over the place.

I'm not gonna make myself feel better by saying it's because we're Year 1 students or we've only been studying for 1.5 months or it's because we're new to moot or we had little time to prepare.

I think at the end of the day I take so much solace in the fact that we worked so hard at it and although things might not have gone the way we wanted (as in us doing well, NOT us winning), it was pretty fantastic.

It was such a fun experience, I'd even dare to say we had more fun than we had learned through the process. There's no question about how I feel today. I'm relieved and very satisfied with myself. I may have done crap in the eyes of some people today but there is just this inner-satisfaction I can't explain. You have no idea how much coming up to this part of the competition means to me, a person who SUCKS at public speaking THAT bad. I feel this immense amount of confidence all of a sudden (which I reacted on, today. Ask me and I'll tell you about it.)

The only question that remains at the end is whether or not I'll take part in the next moot. Should I take this as just a fall that I can get up from? Should I just move on to something else I might be better in, perhaps debate (as the judges have actually suggested)? Time will tell, I guess.

Thank you so much to all the people who have supported me on this. It was a big personal victory for me but I don't see why you guys are all so excited about it. To the people who came, to the load of people who SMSed, MSNed, called regarding this tiny little thing, it really does show me how great it is to be so rich in terms of friends and family.

Some of my fans!.. somewhat :P

My biggest fan! Haha. You thought I wouldn't have the balls to put the picture up? :P

I'm gonna get some well-deserved rest and hopefully get back into shape (been a fat blob for the past 2 weeks). Probably going to try to stop smoking again as well. Note 'probably'. It might be just the fact that I am way too overjoyed on all of this, and that the excitement will just die off tomorrow.

Hmm.

My life for the past 2 weeks (sad as this may sound) has revolved around the moot.

At the end of the day, the world suddenly seems so quiet.

Mooting - Chapter 2

2007-11-22T16:04:00.000+08:00

Don't know if it's the lack of sleep talking, but I've lost the confidence.

The odds are stacked against us.

1. Our opponents worked harder than us (a lot).
2. They're Year 2 students.
3. We had to change sides to the respondents.

In a way it's comforting to know that it's understandable if we lose. But just like the previous round, I just want to get it over with and whatever happens as a result happens. I just want to know at the end of the day that I personally have done well and know I can get PROPER sleep at the end of the week.

But we all know that's not true because there's assignment and tutorial work to be done over the weekends. Joy.

Blah, will I ever get a break?

5.39 a.m.: Am nervous as hell, as I always am before anything to do with public speaking. Have come a long, long way since we started. Think about it. All the hours preparing for first round with mates, going through after the first round, FFK-ing my friend in preparation for second round, etc. etc. :P

Have a lot of personal expectation on myself. Will be fantastically satisfied just to know I've done alright at the end of the day. Will probably put up an update this evening. Mooting in 9 and 21 minutes!

Smoking - Chapter 3/Epilogue

2007-11-21T19:23:00.000+08:00

Guess what.

Sorry, everyone who ever for a second put a single bit of hope in me.

I couldn't take it. To be honest I saw this coming. Uni mates should have too. I've been making less jokes about how I'm strong because there used to at least be a bit of truth in it before, but lately I haven't actually been strong. Also been complaining a lot more than usual about cravings.

I want to make myself feel better by saying it's because I'm stressed out as hell, that I felt so down today that I just needed one, that I'm screwed because tonight I have too much work and won't have the time to sleep. The truth is I don't know for sure.

I was right though. My reason for quitting wasn't strong enough and that's what happens when you get crushed. You lose sight of your goals and everything you tried for for the past 24 days just fades away.

"Gemynd - Free and Healing for Twenty Four Days, 8 Hours and 28 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 1 Day and 4 Hours, by avoiding the use of 341 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me RM143.83."

That's as far as it goes this time. It's the longest I've quit since I got really hooked and I do believe I've gained something from it. I understand it better now and although I'm disappointed in myself, I feel all this has been a valuable experience for me.

I don't know if it's because I'm crazily emotional today, but I suddenly feel myself being pushed onto this downward slope. Everything I've been happy about for the past week has felt like it's been crumbling. For a brief moment of time today I felt like even if I had been healthy, doing really well in studies, could manage my time really well and had the best social life ever, I'd still be down.

I started again because I had lost the vision and goals of being that person I wanted to be.

Also don't know if it's because I'm so emotional today, but I really fucking wish I had that 'aspect' of my life. You know what I mean.

Well, got a long day ahead of me in terms of work.

Thanks for your support, and sorry to disappoint.

Mooting - Chapter 1

2007-11-17T02:48:00.000+08:00

I'm not a big fan of writing about daily activities, but do allow me to indulge in myself just for a moment and tell you a little story.

A couple of weeks ago a friend and I volunteered to join a moot court competition among the Year 1 and 2 students.

A week ago we started preparing and got really hooked onto it that we hardly slept in preparation of it.

A day ago I was so psyched that we were finally going to be done with it, and could look forward to my going to the gym frequently again, having a real social life and of course having a wonderful night of well-deserved rest.

That all went to hell today.

I slept at 9 p.m. on the day before the competition as we had been slaving over the work for the past few days and I just felt I needed it. I have never done a speech in public that had lasted for more than even 8 minutes, and it was pretty nerve-wrecking that I was to do one for a rough amount of 20 minutes with a live audience.

The time finally came and I'd applied every single thing I've learnt about myself in my public speaking experience (which is almost zero, by the way). Applied that I shouldn't stress myself out hours before the actual speech because it just meddles with my mind, etc.

So off I went to play pool 30 minutes before we were to step into the room. It was a strange feeling of comfort that the audience were conveniently placed behind us during the moot and I felt so much more comfortable in delivering my submission. At the end of it all I was rather pissed at the whole issue because I felt that the amount of work we had put in, in the past week was totally disproportionate to our not-so-lengthy speeches of roughly 12 minutes each.

I told myself to calm down because this was just the best I could ask for, and I, for once in my entire fucking life felt that I had done well in an oral presentation done in public. This was of course further reinstated by the fact that I was supposedly the best speaker in my particular session.

On the other hand, I have to admit that in some misunderstandings that occurred, I was friggin' pissed and could not get over the fact that the judges delivered that (I assumed) we had lost the case. I am a sore loser, and I'm perfectly aware of it.

I couldn't let go of it until about 3 hours later where we finally sat down to listen the judgment of who would get into the finals, next week. Here's exactly how it went. My teammate went home because he had to take the bus and quite frankly would not have believed for a second what was about to happen.

Lecturer: There will be a debriefing of the general moot court soon, but as for now I can only confirm with you the results and which two teams would be in the finals. Unfortunately in this situation, both teams were appellants. The first team is -mentions names of some Year 2 students- *applause* and..

Me (talking to self internally): Wouldn't it be so funny if they said -insert my name and my partner's name-?

Lecturer: ...-insert my name and my partner's name- *applause*

It was absolutely fucking ridiculously unbelievable. It all felt like a dream because of how much sleep I've been deprived of and it was weird.

It went very quickly from shock --> joy --> stress.

Shock from having earlier established that it was impossible to proceed to the finals because we were supposed to have lost the case.

Joy from the applause and knowing that I had fucking done something right.

Stress when we flipped a coin and found that my team had to switch over to the respondent's side of the moot, while we had been arguing and studying and preparing for the moot on the appellant's side for the past 2 weeks.

So right now, it's Saturday, the precise day last week in which we started massive research on our moot. The finals is in exactly 7 days and I have never felt so pressured in my life. One of the main factors is that we're so short of time, have to re-establish arguments on entirely opposite grounds, and for crying out loud, there will be a whole bunch of outsiders there on Friday and that would be so fucking scary.

We've got a tonne of work to do, in such a ridiculously short time, not to mention we have so much work to do in preparing for tutorials, assignments etc. It's fucking ridiculous.

The whole week I had made myself feel better by telling myself it'd all be over soon and I'd be able to work out again, sleep normally again, and now everything was just crushed in the sudden realisation of the fuckedupness we're in. I couldn't even get drunk tonight because I realized I had to wake up early to get started on work.

But today had to be one of the best days of my life. I achieved in something I have always sucked so much balls at. I hung out with mates from my high school, college and uni all today. I drank a beer, played some pool, won some money in poker, and overall I feel healthy because I've been very strong in cutting off the nicotine supply. Could I ask for anything more?

If I sound smug, condescending or cocky in my post, I'd have to tell you to fuck off because I deserve this, after all the effort I've put into making changes in my lifestyle. Life's friggin' wonderful but it's gonna be one hell of a week (AGAIN).

Will probably go crazy by Friday from lack of sleep. Cheers. See you at the finals.

Smoking - Chapter 2

2007-11-10T01:30:00.000+08:00

It seems the only thing I can think about nowadays is how hard it's been to quit. I honestly can't help it when I feel the urge to light up every second I'm awake. Hmm. Anyway, that's the reason I can't sleep, so as usual I did some reading about quitting, and stumbled across this brilliant article.

People who hate others for smoking, pay close attention!

"Quitting by the gradual withdrawal method. I discuss this method quite extensively in my seminars. I always tell how if there is anyone attending who knows a smoker who they really despise they should actively encourage them to follow the gradual withdrawal "cut down" approach. They should call them up every day and tell them to just get rid of one cigarette. Meaning, if they usually smoke 40 a day, just smoke 39 on the first day of the attempt to quit. The next day they should be encouraged to smoke only 38 then 37 the next day and so on. Then the seminar participant should call these people every day to congratulate them and encourage them to continue. I must reemphasize, this should only be done to a smoker you really despise.

You see, most smokers will agree to this approach. It sounds so easy to just smoke one less each day. Thirty-nine cigarettes to a two pack a day smoker seems like nothing. The trick is to convince the person that you are only trying to help them. For the first week or two the one downside is you have to pretend to like the person and you have to talk to them every day. They won’t whine too bad either. When they are down to 30 from 40, they may start to complain a little. You really won’t be having fun yet. When the payoff comes is about three weeks into the scam. Now you've got them to less than half their normal amount. They are in moderate withdrawal all the time.

A month into the approach you’ve got them into pretty major withdrawal. But be persistent. Call them and tell them how great they are doing and how proud you are of them. When they are in their 35th to 39th day, you have pulled off a major coup. This poor person is in peak withdrawal, suffering miserably and having absolutely nothing to show for it. They are no closer to ending withdrawal than the day you started the process. They are in chronic withdrawal, not treating him or herself to one or two a day, but actually depriving him or herself of 35 to 40 per day.

If you want to go in for the kill, when you have them down to zero, tell them don’t worry if things get tough, just take a puff every once in a while. If you can get them to fall for this, taking one puff every third day, they will remain in withdrawal forever. Did I mention you really should despise this person to do this to them? It is probably the cruelest practical joke that you could ever pull on anyone. You will undercut their chance to quit, make them suffer immeasurably and likely they will at some point throw in the towel, return to smoking, have such fear of quitting because of what they went through cutting down, that they will continue to smoke until it kills them. Like I said, you better really despise this person."

Quoted from 'whyquit'.

It's a pretty fascinating site to find out about how the whole addiction works. It's kinda hilarious too, to know how much power you can have over someone when they're in that addiction.

Will try not to bore readers with more talk about smoking. Just found this one too hilarious not to share. Cheers =)

Smoking - Chapter 1

2007-11-06T22:58:00.001+08:00

I think it's time I addressed this issue once and for all. For those of you who don't know, I'm trying very hard to quit now and I'm updating my progress daily here.

For those who don't understand the mechanics, here's how smoking works (generally). For whatever reason you chose to have your first cigarette, you supplied a certain amount of nicotine to your body. Most people who have their first puff do not enjoy it, and wonder why people actually smoke. As time passes, their body sort of demands a source of nicotine and that's where it starts. The craving builds up and before you know it, you're a smoker.

If you decide that smoking harms your health and quit before you actually start smoking regularly, then I applaud you, and assure you that you have made a fantastic choice in your life. But if you actually let yourself go and hit the point of addiction, then you'd realize that you're rather fucked.

I think one of the most important things about smoking is that people (who do not smoke) do not realize how ridiculously hard it is to quit. The physical dependency of nicotine has actually been proven to be even more severe than that of cocaine and heroin.

Here's a random fact: Although 35 million smokers make an attempt to quit every year, fewer than 7% achieve even one year of abstinence.

Would you blame them? Start judging them because they have no will power?

On a personal note, I have suffered a lot every time I try to quit. I get withdrawal symptoms very quickly. It's the 9.5th day of this particular time that I'm trying to quit and I'm already feeling nauseous every second I'm awake. I take deep breaths (gasps and pants, even) once in a while even when I'm sitting down, I feel depressed and empty for no particular reason in the middle of a cheerful day. There are scientific explanations to that, I assure you (like physical dependency - look it up if you're interested), and it's really not as easy as telling yourself to resist lighting up (as many of you believe).

Let me say here that I hate it when people judge others for smoking. Sure, smoking is a filthy habit. It kills them, it kills the people around them, it pollutes the world. I'm not denying that, but believing that you've got a person entirely figured out just because of their habit just disgusts me.

I'd just like to urge those who have strong views on smoking/smokers to read up and know what you're dealing with before you jump to conclusions. If you're a uni mate, then prepare to hear from me during Tutorial 5 of Legal Skills =)

Well anyway, I could go on forever about my views but I won't. I just thought I'd enlighten the people who don't know about how it works, because they were too ignorant to read about it in the first place and go right on ahead judging others for their habits.

To my ex-fellow smokers who find it too difficult to quit, just remember the saying: Every smoker quits; from the time of their last puff until the day they die.

PS: It's only been 9 days and I personally think it's nothing at all. My friends and family, however have been really supportive.

Random SMSes, friends of friends whom I didn't even know read my blog, family members and friends on MSN, random congratulations from classmates, even those who laugh at me and don't believe me. A lot has happened in the past 9 days. Thanks for your support, and please know that you're all making a difference in my life (for the better, needless to say). You're all made of awesomesauce =)

Journey

2007-10-30T13:35:00.000+08:00

Day 1: Stressed out, but only slightly tempted. Woke up abruptly. Last thing seen in dream was a burning stick of cigarette in my mouth. Thankfully was only a dream. Made it to Day 2.

Day 2: Shortness of breath noted while climbing 3 flights of stairs. Stress levels peaking. Very, very tempted. Still surviving.

Day 3: Woke up from dream of a dream that I was smoking. Was convinced I was. Then woke up from initial dream and realized I wasn't. Relieved as I am, this is pissing me off. No withdrawal symptoms.

Day 4: Didn't dream as I only slept for 2 hours. Actually feel good today. Healthy.

Day 5: Out with chain-smoking friends. Completely contained urge as was in such a fantastic mood =) Sore throat for no reason symptom has begun.

Day 6: Nothing interesting. Today I am reminded of, "If you need to smoke, sleep. You'll wake up without the urge." -CVY, 2007

Day 7: Rainy weather, extremely satisfying meal at Chilli's. Other than the crazy temptation, nothing interesting. Also remembered how powerful Eclipse was.

Day 8: Things are looked at in a more philosophical point of view. I'm likely to restart not because it's too hard to quit, but because my reason to do so in the first place was never solid enough. Still holding on for now.

Day 9: -Edited/Shortened, as most was explained here.- In general, fucking terrible day, physical dependence peaking. Can't think of anything that would make me feel better.

Day 10: Coping well when I have the freedom of eating and doing what I want when I want (as opposed to having to follow uni schedule). Eating regularly, going to gym, no withdrawal symptoms today. Think I let a lot of it out yesterday with blog post. Feel great =)

Day 11: Been writing too much. Fuck. Went for jog. Stamina level surprisingly high. Sore throat for no reason. Keeping post short. Going strong, generally speaking.

Day 12: Day 10 gym, day 11 jog, day 12 gym again. Rewarded myself with cigarette. Nah, not really. Here are random pictures for fun.

Day 13: 7 hours of sitting down and discussing for moot. Didn't take single cigarette. Moments like these make me realize how truly strong I am. Heh.

Day 14: Nothing exciting, except I found a very cool programme. If you want to quit smoking with me, let me know and I'll link it to you. Here's a screenshot.

You key in stuff like your quitting date and time, how many you used to smoke a day, and the price of cigarettes depending on what brand and which country, etc. Also gives you milestones to celebrate, for example, 4th of January 2008 would be my 1000th stick not smoked. Looks like entertainment to me right now but who knows, it might actually help later on.

Day 15: Was so busy on Day 15 that it's already Day 16 now. Bleh. Been feeling like a pregnant woman lately. Get some gags once in a while, nauseous a lot in the morning and when I don't eat enough or when I eat too much. Getting very ridiculous. Busy week, can't look forward to working out or anything. Sucks. At least doing well in terms of studies.

PS: Thanks for random motivational SMS, Jen :P

Day 16: Think I'm having an even unhealthier obsession with moot court. Have been dreaming about it every single time I've fallen asleep since Saturday. Also had a very vivid dream about how it was Day 16 and I took a cigarette and had no idea how to explain it to people. You'd think the dreams would stop by now. Bleh.

Day 17: My quitting programme told me today, "Way to go, Gemynd! You have saved RM100 by not smoking!"

Day 18: Had an extremely terrible day where I was so nauseous for hours, I was on the verge of vomiting in class. Did not help that my friend, in realization that I was gagging, lit a cigarette in front of me and told me to take it if I wanted to feel better.

Day 19: This day is in a league of its own, and deserves its own individual post.

Day 20: Clearly trying to bargain with myself as am questioning, "Is it really that bad if I had just one stick?" Think I might actually start again soon. Sigh.

Day 21: Was thinking about how hard it would be to resist for the next week. Found comfort in knowing I have 2 other people to quit with. Thanks L and N =)

Day 22: I'm about to fucking blow my brains out from the work I've been doing and it sucks that at the end of the day I can't just lie down flat on my back and have a cigarette. Going to die soon.

Heeeeeh. Have had way too much of you, my good friend.

Day 23: Demoralized. Being tortured by lack of sleep and overload of work. I should stop whining, but I can't. I really hope I can post something with a nicer tone on 'Mooting - Chapter 2' soon.

Day 24: Concluded here.

Happy Birthday!

2007-10-25T21:15:00.000+08:00

So my blog is a year old. Just wanna make a quick post to show some appreciation.

Been a lot of frequent readers throughout the year and I'm thankful for that. No matter how much I talk about how faggy blogging is, it's been really fun.

So readers - frequent or not, thanks for the support.

Thanks for the 4789 page views! (I think ~4786 were mine)

Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeers!

Chicken Stew - The Gemynd Experience

2007-10-21T20:19:00.000+08:00

This is now a cooking blog!

I'll teach you how it's done now. First you must prepare. These preparation steps may be irrelevant to you, but I assure you they are very important.

Prologue: Get your parents out of the house. =)

1. Stress yourself out with studying (if you look closely I'm also writing notes on the computer).

2. Self-explanatory picture.

3. Look out your window and realize it's actually a pretty good day after all.

4. Here's the cooking part.

First heat up your wok. Put in some onions, some garlic, and some olive oil. Panic that you have no idea what to do next, then throw in some chicken, some potatoes, some water so it won't burn, some butter, some carrots, some celery and some tomatoes.

Add in a lot of water. Add some salt and some pepper. It should look like this (or look much better than it). Bring it to a boil first, then put it at a low flame. Let it continue cooking for about 30 minutes.

5. Taste your stew. If it tastes about right, throw some wine in. If it tastes like crap, turn your chicken stew into wine stew. Wine makes everything taste awesome.

6. Serve.

7. Realize you've wasted a lot of time cooking and you have to get back to studying. Life's good nonetheless =)

PS: If you didn't already guess it, making this a cooking blog was a joke. The stew however, was actually pretty damn good.

Beauty

2007-10-19T05:23:00.000+08:00

It's weird that I only realized today how lucky I am to have you.

No matter how many times it's been, I still tremble in delight when I hear those 3 words.

"Previously, on Heroes..."

Haunted

2007-10-16T23:15:00.000+08:00

It sucks that every night I have (or rather choose) to think about my education.

It's only the third week of uni and already I'm beginning to get a whole lot of doubts. On a bright note, I've actually started studying and am obviously hoping this will continue. On the shit side, it hasn't been very progressive because even having done law before this, I find myself struggling to grasp the matter. An important aspect of this is that I've always hated reading. What makes it messed up now is that I'm forcing myself to do something I hate about something I don't find particularly interesting.

It's exactly how I feel. (What I see during cigarette breaks in between studying. There are a lot of such breaks.)

The sad thing is I've never found anything interesting - so interesting, that I'd be happy studying it. Chances are, that this is already the least uninteresting I can dig out of the lot and that's why I'm here, reading case after case today.

Given a choice, I'd certainly wish for my passion to grow in studying Law. But I think I'm ready to accept the fact that I'm probably not going to enjoy it, and my degree is just something I'm going to have to work for.

Life in the midst of darkness? Yeah, let's be optimistic and hope.

But I'm not holding my breath in anticipation.

PS: Thank you Santa Claus for inventing cigarettes, friends, workouts, pizza, ice cream, chocolate, alcohol, boobs, The Office Season 4, Heroes Season 2 and music. They make life bearable.

Facebook

2007-10-04T05:51:00.001+08:00

Let's talk about Facebook for a while.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

You're all retarded if you thought I'd talk about it.

KFC Coleslaw

2007-09-27T03:14:00.000+08:00

To the Colonel, for his brilliant invention:

Oh god damn KFC Coleslaw,
You give me diarrhoea,
Of that I already knew,
Yet I still continue to eat'ya.

For Fuck's sakes KFC Coleslaw,
When will I ever learn,
That eating shit like you,
Will make my asshole burn.

The excrement is an unpleasant brown,
I know this is starting to get gross,
But I'm getting sick of looking down,
On my faeces that look like mashed potatoes:

So seriously all you out there,
Who see me at KFC,
Drop over to say "hi,
and TAKE THAT FUCKING SHIT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH BECAUSE I'M SICK OF YOU WHINING ABOUT IRRELEVANT CRAP ON YOUR BLOG."

In short: I'z eat colslore n' poop'z all lik smelly n' phunky lookin' shiz.

Classical is the new Hip Hop!

2007-09-25T09:43:00.001+08:00

Well fine, maybe not, but I've really gotten to appreciate it lately.

I've actually been listening to classical music once in a blue moon before this but never really got the time or patience to sit down and REALLY listen to some of it. Until my car.

It's really fantastic to me, how the shifting tones in music can so dramatically change the way you're feeling. I had Bach's Orchestral Suites to calm me down after I realized the shit I was in, around the time after my last post. I had Bach's Flute Concertos to entertain me throughout the day while I had nothing to do at home because I had no money to go out (heh). I had Beethoven's Symphony No. 2 to suit the mood while I was driving and felt like I was racing a horse.

I don't know shit about classical music I admit, but that doesn't stop me from appreciating it. Just like you don't need to have a degree in literature or whatever to appreciate it. The one thing I know is that it has so much variation and the lot of you who say it bores you just haven't tried listening to enough of it.

I want to share this feeling, seriously. Pick up a random classical song today!

Or you could just listen to these, that got me started:
Sarah Chang: Violin - J.S Bach's Air
Peo Kindgren: Guitar - J.S Bach's Air
-: Organ - J.S. Bach's Toccata and Fugue
Ivo Pogorelich: Piano - L.V. Beethoven's Fur Elise
Wilhelm Kempff: Piano - L.V. Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata

Violin, Guitar, Organ, Piano. Take your damn pick.

PS: They sure show some stupid faces when they're playing. Hee hee.

As cliché as it may be,

2007-09-24T04:21:00.001+08:00

wake me up when September ends.

In September 2007,

I reversed into a car and an accident that should have cost me RM50-100 cost me RM300 because I was too stupid and let the owner of the car do the repairs and claim the money later.

I have had 3 different medical problems, all of which caused me pain so severe that I can hardly sleep.

I dropped my phone and the display is screwed.

My awesome second hand car has been sent to repairs thrice (once in October though).

And a whole lot of minor Charlie Foxtrots (google.com for definition) scattered around the month.

Now don't I sound more like a real teenager? Just in time too, uni starts in a week!

(Sry I'z bean beaching a lot, juz stres'd n' shiat)

Unity

2007-09-01T09:07:00.001+08:00

(Supposed to be posted on 31/8 but I was getting high)
This is for Malaysia.

When you really think about it, Malaysia is generally quite well united. I mean as much as we want to bitch about it, our races go well together and we blend in pretty nicely as one society. There are a few exceptions but hey, it's human nature to bitchslap one another once in a while right? I'm really not being sarcastic. I've really come to like Malaysia for the general unity that is established between citizens.

I think I've come to realize what the link is.

Malaysia - United by Complaints

It's true. A reliable source told me 99.16% of Malaysians complain about something at least once a day. These facts are based on the concoction in my head based on absolutely nothing. But really, think about it.

Whether it's meeting someone at a bus stop, at a public class (perhaps driving), in a cab, or just someone you happened to strike up a conversation with; what is the single most interesting and easy-to-dive-into point? Here they are:

THE WEATHER IS FRIGGIN' HOT!
DRIVING CLASSES ARE ABSOLUTELY USELESS!
TRAFFIC JAMS ARE REALLY SHITTY!
MALAYSIAN DRIVERS PISS ME OFF!
MALAYSIAN ROADS ARE TERRIBLE!
THE EDUCATION SYSTEM TEACHES US NOTHING!
and if you're really daring, you get into racism. But I won't explore into the details.

Take a step back and reflect on how many times you hit it off with a simple conversation with a complete stranger, by complaining. See the reason I'm not afraid of posting all this even in the light of the case of that kid making fun of our country, is that I'm not actually criticizing it here. I actually think it's wonderful that unity (albeit it being a little fake) can be achieved so easily.

In the past months I've been to many different parts of Malaysia, several of which I've never been to before. Each one was an individual and special experience for me, even the places I've been to tens of times (like Penang).

I know, most of you may not be patriotic and all that but for God's sakes, all I ask is that the Malaysian readers of my blog just look back and learn to appreciate the smaller things. Look at all the idiotic bloggers who go to other countries, take a billion wonderful pictures and still tell you they miss Malaysia. Isn't that already a point in itself?

Cheers. Happy 50th Birthday, Malaysia. You've provided us a pretty great home =)

The Month!

2007-08-30T03:48:00.000+08:00

It sucks to know my holidays are actually coming to an end. I mean really, I'm not even kidding. I don't know why so many of you assume I'm bored of my holidays. Yeah it's been a really long 9 months but hey it's been fantastic. It does suck to know I'm never going to have a holiday this relaxed again. That's of course until I hit retirement, which I probably wouldn't even live to see (I'm dying young you see).

Been a lot of layers in my holidays, like there were a few months of being a sloth at home, then a few months of run of the mill things like poker, cybercafes, foosball, then finally the action packed month that I'm in the middle of at the moment.

Week 1:
You've seen the detailed post about Cameron, the first week of The Month.

Week 2:
Went to Penang, which was just more food eating than anything. Bukit Bendera plans were scrapped. Instead had a lot of food. And more food. And food. Damn it was good.

Took almost 0 pictures, but I did catch something that intrigued the hell out of me.

(Bad picture, stupid car was going too fast)
I mean seriously holy shit, did any of you know about this?!

Week 3:
Kuala Selangor. For food once again. Well at least food and fireflies. Very, very cheap and awesome seafood. RM15 per person for meals. RM10 per person for fireflies. What a fucking rip-off.

It was nice either way. Picture time. (Uploading is a bitch)

Yawn.

Yawn. Minutes later.

Yawn. Some minutes later.

Yawn. More minutes later.

After dinner view. Seriously.

No pictures of fireflies. Can't capture them with a camera either way, it's way too dark. Go there and farking pay your own RM10 to know what it was like. It was nice though, highly recommended.

Week 3.5:
Somewhat of an intermission. Bwaha. Ha.

Tequila is a terrible drink.

"Cocaine is one hell of a drug." -Rick James

And the after effect? Bwahaha. (Actually he was just sleepy, he was one of the sober people at the end of the party. Another person sober? The person who put the hat on him and took the picture. Just being a bitch :))

One valuable lesson from week 3.5 is:
"Yum zhao mm sek yin ho chi tiu hai mm cha lin"
Okay spelling is all off but if you understand you understand lar kays. (BTW I got Jo saying that on video. Haha.)

Week 4:

Week 4 activity will be in 2 days. Langkawi? Malacca? Who knows?!